angry and frustrated!And angry!

[ironhorse]

Ok, so last night I forgot to take my meds (Effexor-150mgs). I really paid for it today! Halfway through I began feeling nauseous and sick to my stomach but decided not to go home because I had already come back from having 2 days off. Besides, it was my fault I forgot so I should pay for it. I forced myself through the rest of the day and 1/2 an hour before we closed up it was quiet so I sat at my desk and rested my eyes. My co-worker walked past and seeing me there, said: " you might as well go home if you're just going to sleep".
Now, to a normal person, that remark may seem like nothing to bother about. I however got angry and frustrated enough to storm out of there and leave a path of destruction! Of course I didn't because one-I felt like shit, and two-we had customers in the store and I don't like causing a scene.
I've worked at this place for about 5 years and have put up with worse treatment than that by this person. I can't even explain in one word what this woman is all about. She is FUCKED UP! She is the most negative human being I have ever come accross in my life. As I described in another forum, it surrounds her like a stench! She has no people skills. Hates confrontation. If somebody confronts her with a problem she refuses to acknowledge it and if persued, I have witnessed her scream at the person! She can't just tell me that I've made a mistake or that 'you should probably park your car in a different area since these spots are reserved for the customers' (as was the case on my 1st day). She will yell at me condescendingly as if only an idiot would have been so stupid. Needless to say my having a low self esteem and depression hasn't helped matters. She's gone out of her way to make me feel like a piece of shit. I've slowly worked my way up to standing up to her and we've even had a row or two. It hasn't made her see the light but at least I know now that I can stand up for myself. For those of you yelling at your screens for me to find another job, I'm working on it! I love my position but finally have had enough!
In the meantime, over the years I've found myself becoming more aggressive. I used to just cry in frustration and take all of this blame out on myself. I carry a pocket knife for work and it has often come in handy in more ways than one. But all of the senseless aggression and endless attacks have made me angry. Not an angry person, but just angry. And feel violent. I have never assulted her or damaged anything but really feel like it. More so in the damaging aspect. I don't like fighting because I can't stand hurting people, mentally or physically. There are days when I would like nothing better than to go about the store and as I said earlier, leave a path of destruction in my wake. Of course I know too well the consequences so I'm too wise to act out on this. I'm fascinated by the change, though. I've never been a violent person (towards others at least) and wonder if it's the mental effects of this horrible woman or my meds themselves. Anyway, my habitual wordiness is making me tired. I need a good night's sleep to prepare for another day.....
Any comments are greatly appreciated!

[fifthsonata]

If this woman has caused such a stir among customers and coworkers, I can't imagine she's had a great value to the company.


Have you spoken with management about her? Most companies have an "open door" policy with an ethics hotline to report unsavory activity. All should be held in confidentiality.


I would strongly advise you talk to management about her. Explain the situation calmly and rationally, so wait until you calm down before you speak to them. Make sure to appeal to them in terms of company AND personality - as in, explain how her actions have and can hurt the company, and how she's hurt your work performance as well. For example:

"I'd like to speak to you about Ms. X. We've had some personal conflict and I've seen her carry over these behaviors from our interactions to customer interactions as well. She has been terribly rude and disrespectful to me without provocation, and I've seen her interact in the same manner with customers. It's created a negative work environment for me, impacting my work performance, and has caused customers to reconsider returning to our store. While I understand I can't prove this interaction with customers, I am requesting you schedule me when Ms. X is not working so that I do not have to interact with her."


You can ask to be scheduled when she's not working to give you a better work environment, and if they do not work with you on it, I'd advise you start applying for other jobs. It's retail season so employment is definitely up for major corporations. Once you get interviews, you can easily throw that in to your bosses and say you're looking for other jobs because you can't handle the work environment due to this person.



If this woman is your boss, look to see if your company has an ethics reporting hotline. You can report unethical behavior anonymously with no retaliation.


I have NO tolerance for disrespect in the workplace, and yes, I recently did that with my present employer and it worked to my advantage.

[ironhorse]

Thanks for your reply! unfortunately the business is rather small. There is only me, this 'person' and my boss. My boss looks like a male but I believe that his testicals have been surgically removed by my co-worker (or someone else) long ago. She gives it to him as much as anyone else and he takes it. She's been with that business for 20 years. When he took over she came with everything else. She knows the ins and outs of the whole works. There is no way he is ever going to do anything about her. I've gone to him countless times and ok, to his credit he has 'discussed' the problem with her. Her attitude has changed afterwards but there is always something new. She is very controlling and WOW! she has a really low self esteem! That job is all that she has. She needs to prove every single moment that she is important and efficient and that the business would fall apart without her. At times she will insist on looking after two customers at the same time, even if I come down to help her. She doesn't need me, she can manage it all on her own. And yet at other times she'll fly into a panic if she has more than one person to deal with - and she's by herself. I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. Countless days at that place have been one giant nosebleed mind-fuck!
Yes, I could go higher and say that my workplace is mentally taxing/unstable, or at least threaten the boss with it, but I figure what's the point? I should be out of there at least within the year. The next person to take my place needs to establish on the very first day that they won't put up with any of her shit, and she will back away. that was my problem when I started. I wasn't as strong back then and she could smell it like a shark smells a single drop of blood in the water. If I came across anybody like her at a new job, I would establish things in a hurry - to that person and to my employer. With this witch, she's like a child - always testing her boundaries. I'm in cognitive therapy councelling to learn how to deal with her. It's exhausting but I'm learning.
Of course, it seems to me that once I get through dealing with one shithouse crazy individual, another one comes along just to keep things interesting.
Next time I'll be better prepared.

[fifthsonata]

If you've got a way out, good - I see there isn't a solution to the issue so it's just a patience and waiting game.

My mom had the same problem and her psychiatrist gave her anti-anxiety meds to help her stay calm at work. She's in a new job, but It's a thought, eh?

[Stina]

ironhorse -

I'm in a crappy job situation as well and feel your pain. So much of what you said mirrors my situation, right down to the aggression. (I bought a tiny Nerf gun over the weekend and brought it to work, just to know it's there and I can take out my aggression on a wall behind closed doors when need-be.)

I admire you going through CBT to help with the problem, and wish you luck finding a new job ASAP.