I... actually feel.

[My poor friend me]

It's not that I'm utterly devoid of emotion (although I know what that's like too -- I've been on Zoloft), but 95 percent of the time, my emotions are so subdued that they're barely detectable against the background noise inside my head.

But now and for the past few days, I actually feel something, and it's positive. It's not like it's the first time it's ever happened. But it happens so infrequently that it's novel every time.

In a way, it's kind of depressing. Because positive emotions feel good, and feeling them reminds me of how rarely I feel them. It's like I want to savor these few moments of warmth while they last, because a month from now I'll barely even be aware that I've gone cold again.

[meh]

I love that feeling but it's also terrifying.

When I went on Lamictal (I'm bipolar) a felt a huge wave of emotions I haven't experienced in years. It mostly manifested itself as crying - crying from sorrow or for joy. It' was a bit disconcerting for my wife and kids but it felt so good to me. A sobgasm in fact.