YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Over Christmas and New Year I was terribly depressed. I was on holiday from work, and I was spending wonderful times with friends and family. Many of my friends who had moved away came back for Christmas and New Year and I spent New Year with my closest friends that I hadn't seen in a while. However I was terribly depressed. When my holidays were over and I went back to work, suddenly a switch was flipped and I was over the moon. I was so happy to be back into my routine. Things have been fine and then today....I just felt tired, vague, cranky, and didn't know why. I went to the movies with my friends and I was short with them, and chose to go home after they invited me to their house after the movie. I went home and stood in the kitchen not knowing what to do. I blanked. I crawled into the living room and went into the childs pose (a yoga pose) and started crying. I wished I could have talked to my friends I went to the movies with but I didn't realise anything was wrong. I wanted to talk to someone so...I came on here. Writing it all out now makes me better though. I know I should go to sleep but now I feel so awake. I know I shouldn't play video games because they numb me out and I have a sneaking suspicion that their whole 'quick reward' thing has numbed me out over the last few weeks but still....I just want to be numbed out. I don't want the weight on my chest to get any heavier. Sigh.

I'm glad you feel better. Writing is a powerful tool. Are you currently in therapy or part of a support group?

Exactly why I joined this forum. *sigh*

It hits me every year: Seasonal Affective Disorder (I'm assuming). I have to pull out my trusty $30 "full spectrum" sun lamp and work next to everyday it until I get beyond it. It took me a number of years to finally figure it out.

My latest experience left me unable to concentrate. I eventually tried deep breathing until I felt able to focus and work for a hour or so. Then start over. I'm not sure if the blues finally passed because of the deep breathing or the mild depression simply passed. But I'm starting to finally feel like my old self again.