YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Atheist Praying for strength to deal with constant anxiety

Biggest shock of my recent life has been that the dream I assumed were my highest goals might have just been only fantasies to help me deal with constant anxiety. It is disheartening to come down to reality, but I think it is the healthiest way for me.

I am humbly submitting and praying for strength to deal with my constant anxiety in helpful ways. It is hard because I am an atheist! I was raised Christian, but any god who allows the horrors of the world to destroy the lives of the innocent is no god I can stomach. If it is his "will" and his "plan" then he can take his "will" and his "plan" and shove them up his ass.

So what I pray to is the childhood image I had of a humble and loving "Lefty Jesus" and the idea of a world that is 51% good and 49% evil where with hard work that very small 2% difference can alleviate some of the horror, for a slightly better tomorrow.

I pray for strength, and I think of the "Serenity Prayer" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serenity_Prayer

It is not going particularly well, but I keep at it.

It is not surprising I have accumulated so many different coping and distraction mechanisms for my constant anxiety, and it is not surprising that they are harmful in the long-run.

Heh, wish me luck.

Previous diagnoses of bi-polar and Asperger's kind of delayed me, a bit, from coming to grips fully with how constant low-grade anxiety and constant low-grade depression interact in my head, and how they have limited me. I am saddened by what was lost, but actually feel relieved that I am finally dealing with reality on reality's own terms.

Yes... Severe anxiety and depression are my problems. And I too am an atheist. This of course offers me no comfort. Some people are "bad," a few are "good" and most are oblivious. If you want a good distraction check out the Partially Examined Life Podcast. It is an excellent intro into the history and ideas of human philosophical thought with a sense of humor. The universe is big and we are small my friend. This is just the way it is. Admitting this is helpful... I don't know why, but right now I am reminded of what I believe to be one of the greatest poems of all time:

so much depends
upon
a red wheel
barrow
glazed with rain
water
beside the white
chickens.

-The Red Wheelbarrow by William Carlos Williams

Good luck. I hope we both find some form of serenity!!!

Hey Manny, I hope you're feeling better today. You're so helpful and compassionate when replying to other people on the forum that I almost forget that you're dealing with your own struggles.

I am a huge fan of poetry and WCW is one of my favorite poets of all time. You could actually look at poems as prayers -- I know that the poems I've memorized from anthologies mean more to me than the prayers and hymns I've had to memorize from church.

Thanks Fredbo & Cheldoll!

While my wife was studying for her MBA, I held her tiny bare feet in my huge hands to warm them up.

15 years of working on my mental illness means that doors that were previously locked slowly open, revealing new rooms. Doors that were hidden are revealed. Sometimes the floor does not break and give way - sometimes you can rely on the floor to hold you up, and you can stop worrying about it.

My daughter was freaked out about the idea of being 18 years old in a few years - feeling unready. I told her honestly that I consider it my duty that when she reaches the age of 35 she is either (metaphorically) an airplane cruising along maintaining altitute, or an airplane gracefully taking off the runway, or an airplane gracefully coming in for a successful landing. That made her feel better - and it was the honest truth. It is all too easy for the years of 18 & 25 & 35 to be times of stomach churning crisis, all for no good reason.

I feel a wave of depressing coming on - and I just dealt with the last one. But I do feel more resourceful, which is good.

All the best to you both, Fredbo & Cheldoll! Cheers, I wish you the greatest today and tomorrow!

Now that just makes me feel good... Thank you. Hopefully all three of our pendulums of misery begin to swing the other way soon!