My friends are
My friends are
laughing and playing a game in the other room but I dare not join them. I will probably have a good time. But there's a moment where it will be kind of awkward, where I might have to adjust to who's around me. I might start thinking about what a crush I have on my roommates (notice that, yes, I used a plural on purpose) or I might start thinking that I really like the new friend they're hanging out with and maybe they're interested in the same sex like I am (that's a whole other pandora's box). And my thoughts might drift to what a nothing I am, since i am lacking this cogent sense of self that other people seem to have. Surely they will see right through me, like everyone else has. And then, lacking anything external to hang on to, I will revert to my natural state: misery. I will be "that guy" at the party, unable to relax or have a good time with other young people my age. That's what will happen. I'm sure of it. Here, let me prove it to you.
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inmymind
- Posts: 107
- Joined: March 25th, 2012, 5:19 pm
- Gender: M
- Issues: Depression, anxiety, intimate relationships.
- preferred pronoun: He
- Location: Southern California
Re: My friends are
Thoughts are just thoughts so don't take most of your thoughts too seriously. That's what our brains do. They think. Most of our thoughts are wrong. We are so, so wrong. All you have to do is be aware of what your mind is doing. Just pretend you are a third-party observer of your own thoughts, and don't fight the thoughts. Just let them come, and then dismiss them.
This sounds easy, but what IS easy is to forget this and get caught up in our thoughts and emotions. With practice, we get better and better at it.
I'm here anytime you want to discuss this.
Relax, and enjoy the parties with no expectations at all. Loose yourself in the activity of the day, and you will have a good time.
Peace to you.
InMyMind
This sounds easy, but what IS easy is to forget this and get caught up in our thoughts and emotions. With practice, we get better and better at it.
I'm here anytime you want to discuss this.
Relax, and enjoy the parties with no expectations at all. Loose yourself in the activity of the day, and you will have a good time.
Peace to you.
InMyMind
Re: My friends are
I relate to this a lot. InMyMind has good advice. Are thoughts can overwhelm us and convince us that we suck, but they are only thoughts. It is important to let them go out of our mind so that we can relax. Might I suggest doing things/activites that keep your brain occupied so those thoughts don't have a chance?
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SmartCookie
- Posts: 35
- Joined: February 26th, 2013, 1:43 pm
Re: My friends are
I'm also working on trying not to be overwhelmed by my own strong emotions in certain situations, and not letting the fear of becoming overwhelmed or emotional, keep me from doing things that I enjoy. That's not an easy feat by any means. The fact that you can name it something you don't want to continue in your life at all is a pretty good thing.
Be kind to yourself. Unwanted thoughts don't define who we are as people. Understanding this, and that the strength to do so is a skill that can be learned, was a really key piece of accepting myself.
You are not nothing. This "cogent sense of self" you see on other people often just means theirs hasn't been tested yet, and (not intending to speak ill of the people in your life personally) everyone - you and everyone else who's ever lived ever - has the potential to be tested by life and be down, but also to rise up again — but often in ways that only we can unlock, by walking our path.
All the best to you,
SC
Be kind to yourself. Unwanted thoughts don't define who we are as people. Understanding this, and that the strength to do so is a skill that can be learned, was a really key piece of accepting myself.
You are not nothing. This "cogent sense of self" you see on other people often just means theirs hasn't been tested yet, and (not intending to speak ill of the people in your life personally) everyone - you and everyone else who's ever lived ever - has the potential to be tested by life and be down, but also to rise up again — but often in ways that only we can unlock, by walking our path.
All the best to you,
SC
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Cheldoll
- Posts: 263
- Joined: September 12th, 2011, 2:29 pm
- Issues: Depression, anxiety, anorexia, sexually abused
- preferred pronoun: She
- Location: Portland, Oregon
- Contact:
Re: My friends are
Oh my god, I've gone through that terribly debilitating downward spiral of negative thoughts way too often. Thinking and thinking and overthinking to the point where I feel physically ill. I have the best times when I'm able to get my body moving before my brain -- go into that room before I even have a chance to stop myself. It's definitely made for some awkward moments, but I have a lot more fun ones. Please know you're not alone.
xoxo,
Chel
" Many people need desperately to receive this message: I feel and think much as you do,
care about many of the things you care about, although most people don't care about them.
You are not alone. " — Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
Chel
" Many people need desperately to receive this message: I feel and think much as you do,
care about many of the things you care about, although most people don't care about them.
You are not alone. " — Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
Re: My friends are
Thank you all for the advice. I ended up being goaded out of my room by my roommate. It was awkward but I took the easy way out and had a few beers, and had an alright time. No shame in being human.
InMyMind, your post inspired me to try something yesterday that ended up working really well. I started expressing gratitude to my thoughts for doing what they're supposed to do and for trying to protect me from danger (even if in an overly-protective parent type of way). That seemed to get rid of the resistance. I felt much less tense and I got the best sleep I've had in a long time. Thank you.
InMyMind, your post inspired me to try something yesterday that ended up working really well. I started expressing gratitude to my thoughts for doing what they're supposed to do and for trying to protect me from danger (even if in an overly-protective parent type of way). That seemed to get rid of the resistance. I felt much less tense and I got the best sleep I've had in a long time. Thank you.
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inmymind
- Posts: 107
- Joined: March 25th, 2012, 5:19 pm
- Gender: M
- Issues: Depression, anxiety, intimate relationships.
- preferred pronoun: He
- Location: Southern California
Re: My friends are
SDJustin,
That's really great that you found a way to make things better. I wish I could say my advice was original thinking, but its just things I've learned through reading the words of those far wiser than I. Even knowing all these things, I still struggle. You guys on here are making it easier though. I really like interacting with everyone, so thank you back at ya.
That's really great that you found a way to make things better. I wish I could say my advice was original thinking, but its just things I've learned through reading the words of those far wiser than I. Even knowing all these things, I still struggle. You guys on here are making it easier though. I really like interacting with everyone, so thank you back at ya.