Incredibly Lonely, even with other people

[Frootsy Collins]

I've been feeling intense loneliness for the past few weeks. It gets the most intense when I'm staying at home in a weekend with no plans. It gets to the point where I'm too anxious to keep doing anything for more than a few minutes. Today I got my demo reel done, which I've been toiling over for the past few months, and felt incredibly accomplished and satisfied... For about 2 hours. Then the anxiety kicked back in and I've spent most of the day having bullshit conversations on OkCupid and reloading Facebook and Instagram to see if I've gotten any likes. I even feel this way often when hanging out with friends from work. I feel disconnected and self-conscious and feel like no one wants me there. Every time they say their busy my brain tells me they're trying to distance themselves from me.

I'm seeing a therapist who's going to try EMDR next week, and I'm on 20 mg of Prozac, but not feeling any effects (accept insomnia). She's also going to check her network for support groups. I've recently started exercising again, getting massages, and sat in coffee shops to be exposed to other people, but as soon as I'm done with one of those the crippling lonely restlessness kicks in again.

Does anyone relate to these feelings and have advice or encouragement? I don't have anyone close to me that really understands these feelings when I've tried to describe them. They either say "just relax" or "look at how much you've accomplished and how much stuff you have!" which is incredibly frustrating.

[MizLzie]

Hey Frootsy - I hope you're feeling better today. I completely relate to what you're saying. Last weekend was a really, really hard weekend for me for the very same thing. I went off of Facebook a few months ago and some days I want to go back on it, just to feel some connection to people. Even though I know it's not necessarily the type of connection that will help me to feel better.

You should give yourself credit for having the courage and strength to go to coffee shops on your own. It's something I aim to do every weekend and never quite make it. I do go out on my own to comedy show, movies, various things around my city to try and meet people. Hasn't worked out as well as I'd like, but I'm trying to have patience and just enjoy myself.

I don't really have much to add in terms of encouragement as I am trying to find some myself. It's easy for people to say, "just get out there and meet people!" Well, if you're like me and struggle with relationships & anxiety it's really hard to do that. I can do things solo for sure, but just walk up to someone without booze to encourage me is damn near impossible. I don't want to be drinking, so sometimes I feel like I've backed myself into a corner.

I think the only real advice I have is what I am trying to do myself. Call people that are my friends and make plans that I stick to. I know I do have people in my life, and yes they may be busy with their lives, but it doesn't mean that they don't want to see me. I feel guilt when I lament that I am so very alone, yet when I am with people who consider me a friend they say how much they value me. When I don't hear from a particular person for weeks I internalize it that they don't want me around, the fact that they have a 3 year old and busy lives seems to be unimportant... it IS important though. It has nothing to do with me. It doesn't mean they don't like me, they are just busy. Just this morning I was thinking that I need to text someone I haven't seen/heard from in a long time. They say that I'm one of their best friends, but never try to see me... it hurts a lot. But there's also a kid involved in that situation, so of course they have their own shit to do.

Wish I did have something better to offer you except that you are not alone. If you find out something that really works, please let me know!

[oak]

Hey Frootsy!

Yeah, been there my friend.

In some ways I have what I call existential loneliness: "Oh my gosh, even if I am surrounded by people, I will face death alone!". The ultimate loneliness!

Then there is the loneliness I feel of being around people who are obligated to be around me, but don't care a damn about me. That can be the worst kind of loneliness.

Then there are times when I am alone, in bed at night, worrying about something suddenly. Aggggh!

Then there are time when I am alone, and I am the best company ever for myself.

So I guess I don't have any advice, just some encouragement that you are not alone.