YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

My childhood has influenced my current life in that I find it really hard to make friends. I have seen many therapists and have done a lot of work in this area, but am 46 and most people I meet have families or don't want to lift a finger to maintain a new friendship. I have been in this large city for 8 years and still haven't gotten a decent group of friends. It seems so effortless for others. my family is useless and the friends I do make all seem too busy to reach out to me often.

When I invite someone out and they don't even reply, I certainly don't feel like doing it again, but this happens all the time. SO how the hell do people make friends if the people you meet don't give a shit??

I'm late 30's and in a similar position. I'm hardly in a position to deliver advice on this topic, but I have heard that doing stuff you are interested in for the sake of the activity and letting friendships build from there is a good way. Its not easy.

Yes, that is what people say to do. Thing is, I am very active in a team sport, but haven't made any strong friendships from this. I invited many people I have known for years to a birthday celebration, and most of them didn't even reply to the email. Very frustrating.

I had this discussion with my therapist a while back. Basically her suggestion was to try to do more friend related things... eg. listen to what some of these people like, have problems with, and see if you can help them outside of the sports venue. Eg. be a friend vs. a teammate. Make small steps to move things outside your once a week game (or whatever it is).
I played with some friendly people - some similar ages, some 10 years younger. I did try to build relationships with them but ultimately I found that our interests were different. Should I have tried harder? I dunno.
Also you have to have pretty low expectations on any one encounter or person. I have, as you might, a lot of pent up frustration and a real desire to connect but that doesn't mean that doesn't mean things will happen according to our schedule.

I know its a shit situation, just trying to be helpful.