YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Things have been rough lately. After months of trying to find work, I've still been coming up with nothing and now it's driving me mad. I get no responses from the places I've applied for, and it's as if they treat me like I've never worked a day in my life and have absolutely no experience in the field that I'm in. Despite my previous employment basically falling apart on me, I had confidence that I could land a new job in the not-so-distant future, but now that feeling has been beaten out of me. I don't know what to do next, because evidently the path that I've been traveling down has nothing to offer.


On top of being in this dark place, there isn't anyone who wants to talk with me about me (emphasis on want); hell, there isn't anyone who wants to talk with me. Even aside from the problems I'm dealing with today, I just want to be talked to. I have so much to say about so many things, and the worst part about that is that there isn't anyone who wants to listen with genuine interest. I try talking to people I know, and I feel like I'm such a burden to them. They don't want to keep the conversation going like I do; they let subjects drop, they give dead-end responses and nobody ever asks how I'm doing. It makes my end of keeping the conversation a chore, because I can tell they don't want to talk, so why bother talking to someone (a friend, I thought?) who is showing clear signs that they don't want to talk to you?


Put both of these together, and it really succeeds in making me feel like I'm worthless.

Hey Thane.

I am going to offer you some advice, that you are certainly welcome to not take. Someone gave it me a few years ago, and it worked for me.

Some tough love.

First, the love: thanks for being honest, and for being willing to share your heartfelt thoughts.

Now, the tough:

You gave several clues why people aren't interested in continuing a conversation with you.

First:

" there isn't anyone who wants to talk with me about me "

That is true. No one wants to talk to you about you. No one.

But nobody wants to talk to me about me, either. Or anyone.

People want to talk about themselves. Only then are they willing and interested in talking with you or me about you or me.

"To have a friend, you have to be a friend."

Next, more tough love:

"there isn't anyone who wants to listen with genuine interest"

Making friends is too important to leave to being genuine. Time to fake an interest in others. You know you were trained to "always be genuine"? Well, if that advice had worked for you, it would have worked by now.

The irony, of course, is that as soon as you fake an interest in others, you will become genuinely interested in others. Then, they will be interested in you. That is the goal you most desire.

You speak of unemployment, and I've been there myself. I recently started a job, and they did not give me a paycheck on my first day. I had to wait until payday, which was a week away. Same thing with friendship: one has to give first.

Of course, all of this was better said by the man himself, Mr. Dale Carnegie. You should buy and read his book post-haste, as in today.

Of course, you are welcome to ignore these suggestions as stupid advice from a jerk, and you might be right.

But like I said: if what you've been doing was working, you wouldn't be where you are now.

Choose wisely.

hey ThaneRising

It's really tough looking for a job. It's a sort of facts, hard, black and white, formal procedure.

Hang in there.


Hugs.