YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

I have been seeing this woman mostly as friends. I am crazy about her and like her a lot. She sometimes hints that she is interested in me and soon changes her mind. While drinking we have fooled around a few times. I am interested in dating her. She has told me we can't because of our age difference. I am a 30 year old guy and she is 37. We recently took a road trip together and on way to our destination she told me she was interested in dating me. That night while drinking we fooled around. We didn't have intercourse since i couldn't maintain an errection but I did receive oral sex and gave her an orgasm. I get nervous with intercourse and have trouble trusting how she feels about me since it always seems to change quickly. The next day she said she dreamed of us having sex and soon after started pushing me away being rude and aloof. I told her i wanted to but needed to know she wasn't going to soon change her mind about me. I don't want casual meaningless sex. She said it was the alcohol that influenced her flirty promiscuous behavior. She was sober hours earlier when she told me she was interested in dating me. We had a long drive home and she told me how she now felt awkward with me. I told her i don't feel that way and i enjoyed my time with her,care about her and like her. She said she felt dirty and what she did was shameful since she doesn't have feelings for me. This woman gives me so many mixed signals and frequently changes her mind about how she feels about me. I don't get it. She was molested as a child and doesn't quite remember it. Sex was viewed as shameful in her family and she had terrible abusive parents. She said the shame tied to her experience is not related to me. I wish we wouldn't have engaged in any physical contact if was going to be shameful for her. I just want us to be together or be friends and have healthy boundaries. I am tired of the flip flopping back and forth it's really hard on me emotionally and so confusing. Part of me seems to be attracted to these kind of hot and cold drama filled relationships. A healthy relationship almost sounds boring. I am wondering what your guys thoughts are on her shameful reaction to fooling around with me.

There is a simple and time-honored way to deal with this situation. Millions of men have successfully used this method for centuries.

The solution: meet new women.

Tell the original woman that you honor and accept her decision. Be the very picture of proper kindness to her. Friendzone her. Date new women.

Word might very well get back to her that you are seeing new women. The original woman will either (a) be happy for you, or (b) suddenly see your good qualities.

Either way you win. Of course be respectful and kind to her, but give her space.

Boo! Sorry you had to go thru that!

First of all, the difference between 30 and 37 isn't that big. And this push-pull thing seems really juvenile. Really really. I would say that you should walk away, because she's either completely clueless as to your feelings or enjoys stringing you along. And neither of those behaviors should be rewarded.

This just happened over the weekend and she said she may need some time apart so the awkwardness fades. I was hoping she would come to her senses and snap into reality. She seems like a mess to me but I enjoy how open she communicates and shares. It makes me feel so connected to her and I find her very attractive. I put her in the friend zone about a month ago and was moving in a positive direction but gave into her desires recently. I am trying to date other women and will be meeting with a new girl in a couple days I met online. Never done that before but we do have a mutual friend so its not a complete stranger. I know the age gap isn't too big and the indecisiveness on her part seems like that of a 15 year old. Thanks for the support!