they need to concentrate on what people are saying.
I need to look at a point in space when I say something in length. Some people find it weird and misinterpert it.
I'm just trying to focus on what I am saying.
anybody else has problems looking into people eyes because t
Re: anybody else has problems looking into people eyes becau
I do the same thing sometimes. I think it's easier to concentrate on getting out your thought when you're not simultaneously trying to read people's facial expressions, which you do automatically when you're looking at someone.
I'm always very impressed when someone can look you in the eye while explaining a complex thought. I feel like that's pretty rare. Maybe it's just some people are more sensitive to outside stimuli than others?
I'm always very impressed when someone can look you in the eye while explaining a complex thought. I feel like that's pretty rare. Maybe it's just some people are more sensitive to outside stimuli than others?
Don't let the bastards grind you down
Re: anybody else has problems looking into people eyes becau
Thanks mouse, very well put.
Re: anybody else has problems looking into people eyes becau
I've always had this problem. My therapist had told me that it is a part of my sensory processing disorder. She and I have worked out a way for me to get around it, I either look at someone's ear, or at the bridge of their nose. Looking at the bridge of someone's nose, it looks like I'm looking in their eyes, and helps build trust.
Just a thought!
LettEggs
Just a thought!
LettEggs
Re: anybody else has problems looking into people eyes becau
Along with what's already been said here, there's also another thing to consider.
In Neuro-Linguistic Programming, there's an important aspect about where people focus their sight that relates to their sense of preference.
These being generalized into: visual, auditive, and kinesthetic.
For example, people who prefer to learn by watching things tend to be visual. The area where they usually look while they are thinking is up (or above ear level, imagine a line from ear to ear and it would be above that). These are the kind of people that look up at the ceiling when they are really engaged in explaining something.
Another example is people who prefer to learn by hearing things who tend to be auditive. The area where they tend to look is ear level. These people are the ones that almost always can look straight forward or into others eyes when they are engaged in explaining something.
Also, kinesthetics tend to prefer to learn by doing things, especially with their hands. These are the kind of people that don't want you to explain (like auditives), don't want to see an example (like visuals), they just want to go at it and work it out by exploring it (kinesthetics as in feeling what they are doing while learning). They usually look down or below ear level. This kind is peculiar to me because I have a friend who, when I first met her, I thought she was shy because she was usually looking down when she spoke to me. But it turned out that she is kinesthetic in this aspect.
So, look wherever you want and ignore people who say you "have to" look into the eyes of the person you talk to (they don't know squat).
Note: NLP has progressed through-out the years and some literature uses more than the three mentioned above.
This is a simplified version, but I hope it helps.
In Neuro-Linguistic Programming, there's an important aspect about where people focus their sight that relates to their sense of preference.
These being generalized into: visual, auditive, and kinesthetic.
For example, people who prefer to learn by watching things tend to be visual. The area where they usually look while they are thinking is up (or above ear level, imagine a line from ear to ear and it would be above that). These are the kind of people that look up at the ceiling when they are really engaged in explaining something.
Another example is people who prefer to learn by hearing things who tend to be auditive. The area where they tend to look is ear level. These people are the ones that almost always can look straight forward or into others eyes when they are engaged in explaining something.
Also, kinesthetics tend to prefer to learn by doing things, especially with their hands. These are the kind of people that don't want you to explain (like auditives), don't want to see an example (like visuals), they just want to go at it and work it out by exploring it (kinesthetics as in feeling what they are doing while learning). They usually look down or below ear level. This kind is peculiar to me because I have a friend who, when I first met her, I thought she was shy because she was usually looking down when she spoke to me. But it turned out that she is kinesthetic in this aspect.
So, look wherever you want and ignore people who say you "have to" look into the eyes of the person you talk to (they don't know squat).
Note: NLP has progressed through-out the years and some literature uses more than the three mentioned above.
This is a simplified version, but I hope it helps.
~Shanarchy
"You are more talented than you think, more beautiful than you know, and more loved than you can imagine." ~Kandee Johnson
"You are more talented than you think, more beautiful than you know, and more loved than you can imagine." ~Kandee Johnson
Re: anybody else has problems looking into people eyes becau
I generally have a hard time looking people in the eye. I worked at it for a long time and I can look people in the eye when they're talking, but I still have a hard time doing it while I'm talking. However, sometimes I'm so focused on looking like I'm paying attention, that I realize I'm not paying attention to what they're actually saying! I worry that people will think I'm disinterested, which is why I work so hard at it. It would be nice not to have to worry about it though.
shanarchy, what you said about Neuro-Linguistic Programming was interesting! I find that I look down, or off into the the distance. It would make sense that I am more kinesthetically inclined because I tend to learn more by doing.
In the same area, I have a friend who plays guitar and sings. When he plays, I find it hard to watch him. Instead, I prefer to close my eyes or look down and unfocused to listen. I think of it as "shutting off" my vision. I am putting all my attention to the sound and not what I'm seeing. Touching on what mouse said, maybe it's the same thing when we're talking, that eyes are too intense to look at and looking instead to something less expressive, we can focus our attention to the conversation.
shanarchy, what you said about Neuro-Linguistic Programming was interesting! I find that I look down, or off into the the distance. It would make sense that I am more kinesthetically inclined because I tend to learn more by doing.
In the same area, I have a friend who plays guitar and sings. When he plays, I find it hard to watch him. Instead, I prefer to close my eyes or look down and unfocused to listen. I think of it as "shutting off" my vision. I am putting all my attention to the sound and not what I'm seeing. Touching on what mouse said, maybe it's the same thing when we're talking, that eyes are too intense to look at and looking instead to something less expressive, we can focus our attention to the conversation.
Just breathe.