How to deal with never having achieved anything in life

[weary]

A constant stream of failure, seeing everyone around me succeed, seeing things I can do belittled and things I can't do praised taught me and proved to me I'm a failure.

I can understand that and empathize with it. But you do realize that at the moment, you are the one belittling the things that you are doing and praising the things that you can't, right? You are reinforcing that lesson, that "proof" for yourself.

for every 'talent' I have I can name 10 people I know who can do to better.

Let me preface this by telling you that I understand that feeling. I fight with it myself. All the time.

But it's bullshit. Someone else's success or talent does not diminish or invalidate yours. By definition, only one person can be the best at something. Does that mean that every other person in that field is a failure? That is the logical extension of you saying that if you're good at something, it doesn't count if someone else is better at it. Again, I feel you on this, but that is a very harmful belief. If you feel like you have to be the best at something for it to matter, I can see why that is really frustrating and not very motivating.

So if I get 1% on a medical exam I'm a doctor?

Point taken. But it's a place to start. It means that you can challenge the absolute statement that you have never achieved anything. And you can build from that towards the 70%.

I get that you are really frustrated, in pain, struggling. I hope that you can find a little more compassion and patience with yourself. You are good enough just as you are right now. If you want to be better than you are right now, that is a noble and worthy goal and I wish you luck in it.

[oak]

I kindly ask, OP, for you to define your terms, particularly "failure".

In the meantime, may I offer another view?

"Noble failure"

(I believe I got this idea from Robert Fulghum)

Rather than not giving a damn enough to try, why not go out in a blaze of glory?

For example, last week I tried to chat up two beautiful college age girls working at a local clothing story. They laughed at me. Noble failure.

I really love the article by Scott Tobias in the Onion AV Club:

http://www.avclub.com/articles/gentlema ... ity,91737/

I quote Mr. Tobias:

"fiascoes have the virtue of being compelling, of crashing and burning and leaving rubberneckers with some twisted wreckage. Failures try for nothing, and if they flop, achieve no payoff for compromise. They should be dropped from a great height. "

Who the fuck were the five presidents before Abraham Lincoln? I don't know. Mr. Lincoln took a bold, principled stand and the country fell apart on his watch.

Mr. Lincoln took a fiasco (a bloody civil war), applied principles, and stitched things back together. People *hated* Mr. Lincoln at the time.

Or, less seriously, consider "Cop Rock", "Sharknado", or the 1932 film "Freaks"; all were failures, but magnificent, because they cared enough to take a sincere stand on a vision. If everyone laughed, so be it.

So what is your dream, OP? What is your vision?

Are you willing to fail to try for them? Are you willing to be noble?

I want to have a beautiful girlfriend. I want to have a job so I can afford to take her out.

Many women and many employers will say no, and a few, sadly, will laugh at my earnest efforts.

Remember what Jeddidiah Springfield said?: "A noble spirit embiggens the smallest man"

I kindly challenge you to go out there, try your best, and accept success or noble failure.

[neufena]

Sorry its been so long again, life and work gets in the way but I assure you I have been thinking of response.

I know your being light hearted but I'm not sure if I buy the idea of noble failure, if there's nobility in failure I'm the most noble man I know! Somehow that doesn't sound right!

Defining success, def a tricky one as its so personal and my goals are so low compared to everybody else I know I feel silly but here goes:

Win the morris jig competition at sidmouth folk festival
Have a musical project where I'm solo or a key member that has recognition outside of people I know.
Pay off my debts
Be the only or key person running a club night or band promotion and not have it fall flat on my face.
Get good enough at bass (and if poss mandolin) to be able to at in folk sessions and get added to the ship band's pool of musicians
Do up my van to a state where I'd be welcome at VW festivals without being a joke.
Find enough time to watch lots of films so I can talk intelligently about them with my peers
Same but for video games.
Be amusing or insightful enough to get my survey read on the podcast.

I think that's enough for starters, it all I can think of right now bit I'm sure there's a lot more to do as all that seems so little compared to the world around me.