YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Does anyone else have this problem? I really wish I didn't, but it won't seem to go away. Here are some examples:

• I'm excited about a new tv show, but I see people online saying they didn't like it. I either don't watch the show at all or just hate-watch it because they've told me it sucks.

• I have a new job and I think it's going great. Then I get to know a co-worker and they complain about the company, our boss, etc. Now I can't enjoy my job anymore because all I see is the bad stuff.

• I'm in a running group. I'm enjoying my run, but then I catch up with someone else who's having a bad run. They complain about the weather, the hills, their body pain, etc. Now my run is ruined and I can't enjoy it for myself.

I don't want to let the opinions of others impact me the way they do, but I can't seem to stop them. I've gotten to the point where I try to avoid talking about people's opinions on things because I know they will influence me. Anyone else feel this way?

Hello Remarks,

I don't have this problem to the extent that you relate, but hearing negative commentary, especially when delivered in an emotional or haranguing way is certainly deflating.

I guess you need to "consider the source" and remember that "that's their opinion" based on their particular circumstances, likes and dislikes, expectations etc.

"You are you, and they are them", right? There's a boundary there.

Any idea why you might be overly susceptible to these outside opinions? Are these people you especially admire or relate to in other ways?

I don't know why I let others' opinions influence me like I do. My guess is it has to do with issues from my childhood. I had a very similar situation to Paul's with my mom and a big part of that was trying to please her at all times. This meant liking what she liked, having similar opinions on everything, etc. So maybe that's where the opinion of others comes into play.

I finally signed up for Better Help and I'm hoping to work on some of these issues with a counselor. Hopefully some progress will come from it.

Remarks! Thanks for sharing.

I'm glad you got this all out. You are well on your way to resolving this.

I say this for two reasons:

First, you identify what is happening, and can observe yourself fairly objectively. You identify what the situation is, and want a richer life. More autonomous. You're on the journey, to use a cheesy saying.

Second, you are trying BetterHelp. I've used it for six months, ultimately choosing an excellent counselor I knew from The Before Times (if you're interested, I'll be glad to PM you her name. She might well be licensed in your state, and is excellent).

Let me offer you this regarding online counseling: don't be afraid to drop a counselor if they don't come to the game with a clear, detailed treatment plan, with timelines from the earliest sessions, or the first session. A good counselor should be able to spin a treatment plan on the fly. Come to the first session with clear objectives of what you want from counseling (five minutes on the back of an envelope should be plenty of prep), and ask them directly how they'd plan to help you get there.

I encourage firmness and directness right away because BH is, frankly, a luxury service. At least compared to EAP counseling, etc.

Hello Remarks,

I thought of you recently after one of my posts.

I mentioned the documentary "Man on Wire" that I saw and really liked years ago when it came out, and then after the post I went to a few review sites as a refresher.

Out of curiosity I started at the one-stars, and was kinda shocked to see some viewers called it "boring" (!), and some panned it because they said the protagonist was just a raging narcissist (which I don't remember thinking at the time).

Anyway, this might be interesting as an exercise somehow. (A form of exposure therapy?). Take a book or something that you're familiar with and have your own opinions about, and then read what others have to say, pro and con... The lazy ones you can discount right away as so much noise, but others that are well-reasoned and presented are worth thinking about.

Not to discount your own perceptions, but to help to realize that everyone has an opinion, there's no accounting for taste, etc.

Just a thought.

Be well.

SD

Oak - Thanks for your words of wisdom. I've had one BH session so far and I like my counselor. I messaged her this morning because I'm feeling really down about something and I hoped to talk about it at our next session (which is tomorrow). She responded quickly and said she was sorry I'm feeling bad. She said we can make this topic our focus for tomorrow's session. So far, so good. I have a lot of crap to work through, but at least I'm starting to the process.

Snoringdog - I like your idea! I just finished re-reading one of my favorite books (The Perks of Being a Wallflower). I'm going to look up reviews and consider what others have to say about it - good or bad. The goal is not to let them diminish my love of the book, but to acknowledge their opinions.