YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

How often are you able to "check in" with yourself?

By "check in" I mean insert a little pause between stimulus and response, and ground yourself in what is important for today?

Lately, when I check in with myself, I tell my young version of myself that I love him

you would think I would be able to do this dozens of times a day, but actually if it is 3 times a day or more that is a "red-letter" day! i am being serious here, compulsive action rules my life, and i am not sure what to do about it (caveat below)

how about you? i am interested to know

(actually i have a bad feeling that i should be meditating, and that might allow me more pauses between stimulus and response. i feel bad about it because i have a worry that i will be a terrible meditator, i may be missing the point, the point is not to be a perfect meditator)

Manuel Moe, hello. I hope you had a good holiday.

Yes, checking in with one's self three times a day is a good day indeed.

My average number is 1.5, and that is usually on the physical side. I try to get away from the desk at 10:30 and 2:30 (such is the ideal!) for a few minutes of tai chi/chair yoga.

Now that you mention checking in with yourself, I'll be cognizant to observe how often I do it during the rest of this week.

I’ve meditated steadily this year for the first time. The last few weeks I’ve done it in a disciplined way for 20 minutes a day.

On Sunday I got caught under an awning during a really heavy extended rain shower. I sort of involuntarily dropped into the meditative state I’d been practicing. I spent 5 minutes being only aware of leaves falling slowly to the ground amidst the rain. It was a little disturbing because it came on unexpectedly and was profound in a scary way. But I recognized it as the same state I’d been practicing.

I don’t really check in with myself in that way you describe. But I realize that not loving myself or others is like walking through life holding your breath. Since I can’t wait any longer until I become perfect enough to love, I’ve relented and begun to love me as I am. I realized that’s easier to do if I love the people around me too.

That involves relenting on waiting for the perfect person to love showing up, and instead loving the imperfect people I live amidst, even while they continue being so flawed and doing stuff I still find disagreeable or disgusting.

It feels a little like risking my life but, at least I get to be imperfect then.

And breathe.

ok speaking this out loud, this is a check-in in real-time, i notice that i am in the gap between stimulus and response, and i choose to check-in, and i tell little Manuel that I love him, and that i love him just the way he is, and then i spin the camera around, and i am looking into the face of my older brother, and he is so tall, and he puts his hands on my shoulders, and he says to me that he loves me and he loves me just the way i am, and i feel the <<relief>> in my eyes, then i spin the camera around again and i am driving the car, and i pull the car over to the side of the road gently, and i look in the back seat and i see little depressed manuel and little anxious manuel and i tell them that don't worry i got this, and now i have a little celebration about checking-in i go "whoo-hoo" and raise my arms in a "whoo-hoo", and now i am in a perfect way to choose my thoughts and actions

This thread is reminding me that a few daily self check-ins would benefit me too.

Mindful self-compassion practices like the ones described by Manuel Moe are the only ones that "take" for me, but I suspect I'll need medication too since nothing else by itself seems to be working very well.

Manuel, thank you so much for describing exactly how you do this and how it's working for you. Some of us need specific instructions!

Didn't check in with self as much as i would have wanted, but at least i remembered just now.

Go through the same exercise as above...

at the end, come back to the image of my imaginary older brother telling me "i love you, and i love you just the way you are" with his hands on my shoulders

I really like this work. It’s great way to gently rework those neural pathways into a more virtuous cycle. And the hand on the shoulder... beautiful.