YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

I remember crying a lot when I was a kid. I'd get into fights with my father all the time, and it'd always end with me crying. Somewhere in my youth, I seem to have lost that ability. In the last couple decades, I can probably count on one hand the number of times when I cried, and none of them were out-of-control sobbing sessions. Wikipedia says this about average frequency of crying:

According to a study of over 300 adults, on average men cry once every month; women cry at least five times per month, especially before and during the menstrual cycle when crying can increase up to five times the normal rate, often without obvious reasons (such as depression or sadness).
According to the German Society of Ophthalmology, which has collated different scientific studies on crying, women cry on average between 30 and 64 times a year, and men cry on average between six and 17 times per year.

Men tend to cry for between two and four minutes, and women cry for about six minutes. Crying turns into sobbing for women in 65% of cases, compared to just 6% for men.

How many of you have similar problems? Does medication help allow you to cry?

I use to cry at the drop of a hat when I was young and through my teens. About ten years ago my best friend died of cancer and I had a few tears then but haven't cried since.

InsaneIan wrote:I use to cry at the drop of a hat when I was young and through my teens. About ten years ago my best friend died of cancer and I had a few tears then but haven't cried since.

I'm sorry to hear about that. Do you want to cry, or even try, but can't?

I had a very abusive father who used to not let me cry when I was a kid. The more I cried, the more he hit me, open hand, closed hand, wood switch or his favorite.. the belt. He would stand there and snap the belt several times before he used it. I would fight the urge to sob, and the more I fought it, the more I sobbed. I was a very sensitive "mama's boy" and he hated that. Much worse then hitting, he used to call me a little girl and would press my face to the mirror and threaten to put me in a skirt. This happened countless times....

In the last podcast with Grey DeLisle, Paul said a lot of people take the 180 with their kids, and that was me. I was very gentle with my son and hardly gave him any discipline... I was his friend and still am (he is 24), but I probably could have been a much better father figure. I tried to do my best as in some strange way I believe my father tried his best in his own way.

Now time marches on and I rarely cry, yet that does not mean I don't ever feel sad. I only get into a deep depression about once every four or five years, but when I get it, it is a doozy. I sob, just like I was not supposed to do.

I forgave me father for all he did as hanging on to it was only hurting me. He was good enough to go to a therapy session where I confronted the whole issue. He truly did not remember any of the abuse, which pissed me off a lot, but I forgave him anyway. The night before he passed away a few years ago, we had a close talk, and he told me of his regrets with me. I told him there was nothing but a clean slate between us.. I meant it and it felt good to really mean it. That is when I was certain I had really forgiven him.

InsaneIan wrote:
I use to cry at the drop of a hat when I was young and through my teens. About ten years ago my best friend died of cancer and I had a few tears then but haven't cried since.

I'm sorry to hear about that. Do you want to cry, or even try, but can't?

Sadness comes to me like a "grey blanket" as Paul describes it. It's more of a numb sensation. I don't want to move, talk or leave the house. My mother use to cry a lot. I remember regular sessions of her in her room just sobbing uncontrollably. All of my brother's and I use to pile in there and try to cheer her up.

I used to cry much more than I do now. The meds have helped a lot in that area. Usually if I cry now, I'm feeling rejected, very frustrated, or when I haven't take my meds in a couple days :O. It's so weird when that happens - when you can cry about nothing. It is hard to cry about little things. It usually has to be an overwhelming or mounting feeling.

A good friend of mine passed away last week. Upon hearing the news I actually bawled for about half an hour...first time in years! (and first time since starting the meds) Still torn up about it...

sorry to hear that, man.

ether667 wrote:A good friend of mine passed away last week. Upon hearing the news I actually bawled for about half an hour...first time in years! (and first time since starting the meds) Still torn up about it...

Sorry to hear that ether... my deepest condolences.

I am glad to hear you COULD cry, but so sorry you had to go through this. Hang in there.