YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

So I have been seeing this therapist for over 2 years. She has helped me alot in that time. My g/f of 12 died from the flesh eating bacteria in Dec '06. In Augest of '07 I was involved in a car accident that killed a 17 yr old. The accident was not my fault however I still struggle with guilt. A month ago I witnessed another fatal accident that occured right in front of me. I couldnt even go into specifics with the accident scene until just last week. This week my session was suppose to start at 4:15. She finished with her other client then tells me she has to eat something first. I waited in her waiting room until 430 before she came and got me. She asks me how im feeling and im telling her that the anniversary of the accident I was in is coming up and Im feeling drawn to the accident scene, her and I went there many months ago and we couldnt find the exact spot, but I dont know why. She proceeds to tell me that im trying a pity party for myself, I enjoy being depressed, im only depressed ow because thats what I want. I asked her if she thought a normal person would feel like I do right now. She says SERIOUSLY???? I said yea, she said NO they wouldnt. So we dont say anything to each other for about 10 minutes. A couple times I looked at her her eyes wre closed!!! Im not talking like closed from blinking in talking Closed!! After 10 minutes I finally got up said I wont waste anymore of your time threw my check on the table and walked out. I even said to her well since Im leaving early you can stay on schedule, I had heard the door open so herr other client was in the waiting room. I have seen this woman sometimes 2-3 times a week but at a minumum once a week since Feb 2010. I havent had insurance for the last 1 1/2 yrs so im paying her out of pocket $85. I dont work and I have had to make some sacrifices, and this is how im treated?? Im hurt, im angry, im frustrated, and more imporantly im lost. I dont know where to go now. I dont feel like I can ever go back to that, how can I possibily ever trust her again.

I haven't had much luck with therepists either. The first one I saw in college was some grad student getting a degree in counseling. This was at a very conservative school and he was totally unprepared for what I downloaded on him. His response was to throw a 12 step program back at me. So I started doing that and it freaked him out even more and at my next visit, I was met by someone from the college's "moral disciplinary police" who with total disgust, calling me a freak and a pervert, put me on probation.

Second time, was with a nice guy who lived in Montana. He was actually helping me confront some of my negative thoughts, etc., but only a few weeks into our sessions, his only son passes away. He had a nervous breakdown and retired.

My third attempt at therapy was a little strange. We, my wife and I, were going through a therapist employed by our church. I had insurance that would cover all but about $10 of each session, but sometimes it would take ~ 6 weeks for the therapist to get paid the rest from insurance. He didn't like that. We'd spend the majority of each session talking about him getting paid and the logisitics of insurance. I wasn't about to pay him the full amount, just because he couldn't wait 6 weeks, which really irritated him. So with him in a pissed-off and irrated mood, we would spend the last 15 minutes talking about our issues - needless to say, he wasn't too sympathetic.

Right now, I read a lot of self help books and watch movies that just make me feel better (i.e. Fight Club, Grand Canyon, Office Space, Clerks, Being John Malkovich, The Royal Tenenbaums)

"Hitting bottom isn't a weekend retreat. It's not a goddamn seminar. Stop trying to control everything and just let go! LET GO!" - Tyler Durden, Fight Club

That sounds like a shitty therapist. I went to one on my college campus a few years back who never really let me control the conversation. She'd guide me to talking about things instead of letting me choose what I wanted to talk about. I didn't have to pay her directly, the only saving grace. I left that feeling worse than when I started.

I can empathize with you feeling guilty even though it wasn't your fault. Good luck with keeping in control of yourself and finding a new therapist or a new way to help yourself.

I'd say give her one more shot. Explain to her how this situation made you feel. If she continues to do it through one more session, discontinue services with her. You're paying her to help you, not degrade you. A good therapist will challenge you and call you on your bullshit (NOT saying this is, you're VERY JUSTIFIED in these feelings and her reactions were bullshit), but NOT treat you as if your feelings are uncalled for. Perhaps she had a bad day, perhaps her personal life made her feel poorly that day....you'll only find out with one more session.


A lot of people go through multiple therapists. It's horrible that she'd pull this after 2.5 years of service to you, but maybe it's time to move on. People change with time and it's possible you guys have drifted.