YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

So, I had my first panic attack in 1996 at age 22. I didn't figure out that it was a panic attack until many years later. It doesn't fit any of the typical symptoms. But it's almost always brought on when I am feeling uncertain or nervous. The first time it happened, I was on my first day in a new job (at a group home for people with developmental disabilities). The second time, in a different group home, I had food cooking on the stove and the doorbell rang. Do I answer the door and let the food burn? Do I ignore the doorbell and risk the consequences of that?

My symptoms begin with a whole-body flush of cold sweat. Next my whole body becomes shaky, I have trouble walking or using my hands because they are quivering so much. If I try to write, the letters are giant and uneven like a kindergartener's. I get tunnel vision. Mental confusion. And maybe the hallmark trait - I get RAVENOUSLY hungry. Even if I just ate. At that point I'll eat anything I can find, even if it's something I normally don't like. It mimics low blood sugar in a lot of ways, and the only thing I've found in my research is 'pseudo-hypoglycemia.' That makes some sense, but I don't know why anxiety/uncertainty would cause that. Some educated friends have thought maybe it was dissociation, but that just doesn't seem to fit.

I don't get any feelings of doom or panic or feel like I"m going to die. It's primarily a physical sensation, except for the mental confusion/fog. It usually last for about half an hour.

I do believe these are panic attacks because anxiety is what brings them on, and my psychiatrist has agreed with me. Yet I've never found a single other person who shares these same symptoms. It's so frustrating to not know a single other person with symptoms like this, even if it isn't actually a panic attack.

Sounds awful.

It seems most people who explain "panic attacks" don't fit a mold at all. It is almost like a term which takes on the meaning assigned by the person using it. To better explain that thought, I'll bring up the other concept I say that about: "bisexual" or "pansexual" because it's neither of those terms actually express what the person wants out of sexuality or relationships except to say it's not as simple as being into one gender. Saying "I have panic attacks" says "sometimes my anxiety paralyzes me" but the details vary wildly.

I shake and cry and my brain is essentially non-functional. I'm literally tunnel visioned. I feel as though the overwhelming feelings will never end. It takes a majorly upsetting insistent to cause one while "anxiety" can happen over nothing important, but is not so overwhelming that I can't intellectualize the fact the anxiety is mental illness at work and the crisis isn't what my brain is telling me. With a panic attack, I can't separate from those thoughts. They usually last until the cause is somehow defused. The last one, for example, happened over two years ago around the events that lead me to cut off all contact with my ex-husband after moving across the country to be near him even though we weren't going to be together. Super long story, but it was a final straw after more than a decade. At the time, it was a really hard choice to make and risky because I didn't know many people here and was just beginning a new relationship, but I knew I couldn't continue to let him trigger me.

I say all this to tell you I don't think you should worry that you don't know of anyone with symptoms like yours. When it comes to mental illness, diagnosis is just the best fitting label for something unique to each person.

Thanks, bigeekgirl. I like you!

I guess I'm not so much worried that I've never heard anyone else with these symptoms, mostly I just want to know what it IS, and if someone else has experienced it then maybe they have alternate explanations. I don't care so much about a label, I really want to know if it's a primarily mental or physical phenomenon. Most of the symptoms are physical, but it's usually triggered by feelings of uncertainty. I feel like a poser calling them panic attacks when I really don't feel panic or have intense mental discomfort. I've heard many accounts of panic attacks, and they all seem to have intense panic or dread as a main factor.

I guess it's the whole "Please tell me I'm not alone!" feeling.

The description of your experience is helpful. And I appreciate how you compared it to sexual labels. I consider myself pansexual, but maybe sometimes... omnisexual? I am not turned on by children or animals or anything illegal or immoral, but I did once get really turned on by a mountain! Like, seriously, physically and mentally aroused. I wrote to Rob Brezsny about that and he included it in one of his Free Will Astrology columns.

Hey Nevina,

I have what I call anxiety attacks before important or significant events, inevitably the morning of these events I wake with dread. Then my stomach turns and burns, then the diarrhea starts, then sometimes nausea. Sometimes I shake uncontrollably and feel cold, or have hot flashes and sweat profusely. I didn't know they were anxiety attacks until I went on and off Zoloft a few times. It works pretty well most of the time, but just recently, on the day of my sons wedding, I had to take two Imodium, 75 mg of zoloft and medical cannabis just to show up. I had a hard time eating too, but managed to enjoy myself anyway. Anxiety sucks.