YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

On the one hand, coming to this forum has been great for me to have people to talk to in between therapy sessions. On the other hand, I feel so guilty about feeling depressed when I read everyone else's stories. I mean, I've had a relatively cushy life compared to most people here. No history of abuse, no sexual trauma, good support from the family, etc. So when I hear about all the people here who have been abused or sexually assaulted or who don't have good support systems, I feel TERRIBLE. It's like I don't have the right to be miserable when people out there don't have 1% of what I have. All I have is a fucked-up brain chemistry and a couple years of bullying under my belt.

I don't mean for this to be a pity party, but it just makes me feel so much worse about my depression knowing that I don't have it all that bad. And, to make it worse, people are forever trying to cheer me up by pointing out all the good things I have. That just makes me feel even more depressed! I don't want to tell them that, though, because I'm obsessed with never making people unhappy, and I don't want to offend them.

I saw this the other day

'And even if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn't really change the fact that you have what you have.'

Don't feel guilty, I think depression is the hardest thing to go through. All of the stuff I gone through, it all would have been fine by me no matter how bad it was if I didn't end up with this depression later. I haven't gone through a lot of bad things either so I relate. But depression itself is a horrible thing. Feel compassion for yourself, you deserve it, not guilt. My brother grew up in the same fucked up house that I did. But I had that brain chemistry and ended up with depression. He didn't he carried the hurt but he didn't have brain chemistry and depression. He ended up so so great and I am well, I am far from it. We been through the same things except I went through something more, depression, that's the horrible thing. The things that happened before...terrible yes, but not like depression is.

I'm sorry you were bullied, that sucks.

I feel like this a lot and it often makes my depression even worse

Yup, totally agree. Wish I had something more to say, but I do like that quote. Does make me smile - YES! That's it!

Been wrapped up in feeling pretty broken after a breakup that I initiated. Boundaries were demolished and I no longer feel safe around those (friends) I really wanted to. But since I'm the one who hurt him, I don't deserve to feel bad... Sounds so trivial compared to other people's problems (see, feeling bad about it...) but it's done a number on my brain and it goes way past just a break up. Most likely years in the making - don't think I've been this low for this long, how I found this place.

Anyway. I totally understand how you feel.

I have been worried that finding the pod cast over the Christmas break from school and listening to most of them in 2 weeks, was a trigger to feeling overwhelmed and got me to this point that I likely will be taking the whole next semester off from teaching. I know I felt kinship with so many of the stories I heard, even when many people's stories of abuse were so horrific and so much bigger than "just" my depression. But regardless of how people got there, I heard similar irrational thoughts, frustration at getting better, seeking the right kind of help, balancing meds, negative repetitive thinking that I shared. I really heard it when Paul says "You are not alone." In a way it made me feel I had permission to recognize that I have been through a lot, that lots of people, who I would never judge the way I judge myself have taken time off work, that what I considered "normal" thoughts going through my head might not be something I have to just accept as part of life, even when I felt I was coping. Listening to podcasts and reading forum posts made me consider reading my own story of what I have been through as if it was someone else's story and it was so easy to look at it and think that if it is was someone else, I wouldn't hesitate to given them compassion, encourage them to take time to get healed and whole. I wouldn't expect someone else to feel guilty - but man it is hard for me not to beat myself up. I know comparing myself is one of the traps that generally leads me to feeling worse, but it is a balancing act finding similarities, empathy and help from other people and comparing yourself in a negative way. I sure don't have an answer, but believe me you are not alone on this one issue either.

All the time!! And it just seems to reinforce how I tell myself what a loser I am that I'm depressed. I'm just a weak, pathetic, worthless piece of shit cause lots of others make it through such truly horrible, traumatic, unbelievably shitty lives and had every reason to suffer from anything. How dare I whine about how hard I've had it!

I actually made an account to post something very much like this. So many people on the podcast have had their mental illnesses stem from something terrible that has happened to them. I feel like I have no right to be depressed - I'm from a loving and supportive family and have a partner that does his best to try and understand some of what I'm going through. I have a decent job, friends, and live in a nice place. What do I have to feel bad about? Why does working a 5 day week leave me overwhelmed and exhausted, and why do I need medication to cope when so many people handle the things in my life, and more, without any depression or medication?

I try and tell myself I can't help how I feel, and there's no reason to feel guilty over something I can't control. The only person it is hurting it myself (when my counsellor tells me I'm too hard on myself, I want to believe her but I really think the rest of the world isn't hard enough on me).

I totally understand how you feel. And thank you heart for the quote and post - it helped to reinforce what the helpful part of my brain feels.

I feel like this every fuckin day. And I even had a very traumatic, abusive, and chaotic childhood, so that really doesn't make a difference. Yet, as an adulthood we hear constantly It is YOUR responsibility, your choice to feel better, get over it, figure your shit out, get it together. We hear that from ourselves and from others. And sometimes I do believe that...sometimes I think "Omg, I am being way too dramatic, just get it together and act like a normal human being." Whatever the fuck that means LOL. And then other times I'm like "NOOOOO this is AWFUL, I wanna die!" And I go from having compassion for myself to hating myself for not being able to "figure it out." It's never ending.