Two types of attraction
Posted: January 5th, 2013, 9:54 am
I don't know if this is specifically mental illness related, but I find myself thinking about it today: There's a difference. between finding someone attractive and being attracted to someone.
Almost every day -- multiple times per day -- I'll see a woman and think, "Wow, she's gorgeous," and yet have absolutely no desire to do anything but admire from afar. I'm not bisexual (at least not a practicing bisexual -- I sometimes suspect I may be slightly higher than average, but still pretty low, on the bisexuality spectrum), but it sometimes even happens with men. I'll think, "Wow, that's a handsome dude," and admire him from afar as well. That's finding someone attractive, and it's a thing unto itself.
But being attracted to someone is a whole different animal, and for me, it's actually pretty rare. I'm not attracted to everyone I find attractive. Even if I can appreciate another human being's aethetic beauty, it's not often that I meet someone (and in this case, it's always a woman) and think, "I'd really like to spend time/have a relationship/have sex with this person." It's happening to me right now for the first time in over a year, and I forgot how good it feels just to want. Seriously, even if nothing ever comes of it, I'm enjoying the sensation of wanting. It makes me feel human, whereas most of the time I'm barely even aware that I don't feel human.
As far as what this means for me behaviorally, in terms of my sex life, well... not much. Mostly because I'm the male equivalent of the girl who can't say no. So ending up in bed with someone often has little to do with how attractive I find them or how attracted I am to them. It's sometimes more a matter of, "Huh, this girl is being physically affectionate. Social norms demand that I reciprocate."
Almost every day -- multiple times per day -- I'll see a woman and think, "Wow, she's gorgeous," and yet have absolutely no desire to do anything but admire from afar. I'm not bisexual (at least not a practicing bisexual -- I sometimes suspect I may be slightly higher than average, but still pretty low, on the bisexuality spectrum), but it sometimes even happens with men. I'll think, "Wow, that's a handsome dude," and admire him from afar as well. That's finding someone attractive, and it's a thing unto itself.
But being attracted to someone is a whole different animal, and for me, it's actually pretty rare. I'm not attracted to everyone I find attractive. Even if I can appreciate another human being's aethetic beauty, it's not often that I meet someone (and in this case, it's always a woman) and think, "I'd really like to spend time/have a relationship/have sex with this person." It's happening to me right now for the first time in over a year, and I forgot how good it feels just to want. Seriously, even if nothing ever comes of it, I'm enjoying the sensation of wanting. It makes me feel human, whereas most of the time I'm barely even aware that I don't feel human.
As far as what this means for me behaviorally, in terms of my sex life, well... not much. Mostly because I'm the male equivalent of the girl who can't say no. So ending up in bed with someone often has little to do with how attractive I find them or how attracted I am to them. It's sometimes more a matter of, "Huh, this girl is being physically affectionate. Social norms demand that I reciprocate."
