YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

I went to watch the movie "Warm Bodies" last night. I don't know if it was the romantic theme, or the 80s music, but something got triggered in me. The movie reminded me of the 80s movies I grew up watching like "Breakfast Club", "Sixteen Candles" and I started thinking about the past. Many times when I have nostalgia it feels so painful. I think about the time that has passed not ever being able to go back there. I know thinking of the past and not being the present is unhealthy for me, but I get in my moods where I can't get myself out of the past. I think about high school, summer camp, teenage romances and my heart has a longing to go back to my childhood or teenage years.

Why does nostaglia hurt so much? Does anybody else experience these feelings around nostalgia?

For me? I think it is one of two things. Sadness at remembering bad experiences, or sadness at remembering good experiences that are no more.

I forgot how old you are. For me (40), I get sad when I think about times in my 20s and 30s where I was really looking forward to the future, and I realize that I screwed up my chances/opportunities at happiness. I feel like I was very naive and didn't know how good I had it back then. You're right, living in the past is not good. I know that I need to let some of that shit go. I'm trying not to cling to the way I wanted things to turn out - I am open to learning how to be happy with different outcomes than the ones I wanted, but it is a long road.

A long time ago I wrote my own definition of nostalgia:

"Nostalgia is going back and feeling all the feelings you were afraid to feel at the time." That's why, I think, it hurts.
And by the way, 40 is still young, trust me (I'm 66). Things haven't "turned out" yet. There's still time to do stuff. That isn't always true later on.

One of my pet theories is that we never grow up into the world that we think we're going to. When you're a kid, you look at the "adult world," but when you get there they've changed it. Not sure if that explains why nostalgia can hurt, except maybe in reverse.

I'm having the same problem trying to revisit music I used to LOVE listening to, but have been avoiding because music has this way of instantly transporting me back to the exact place and time I was when I first discovered it.

Lately I've tried aggressively to reclaim it, thinking "Hey, why can't I still love this music even if it's connected to ugly or sad memories of the past, or some person I wish now that I'd never met? It's music *I* love! Not music that was created by those ugly places, people and things! Why can't I create new memories around it now??"

...It's not working. Instead, it's kind of creating this subconscious, subliminal funk that's creeping into me. I mean really eating at me, despite my best efforts to erase it and start imprinting new memories of NOW onto it. I start thinking about those things, people and places from the time I started listening to the music, and it gets me down...and I hate it.

It's hard because I don't really like any music I'm hearing nowadays. Should I just live in silence? That's terrifying!
Shudder to think what might come to my mind if I just sit with myself quietly, without distraction! T_T

I hear you, guys. Everyone. All of you for whom remembering the past is a painful experience.
I hope someday we all can learn to just be able to remember those times and be ok with it. Maybe even enjoy the memory.
*hugs* to all of you!

I'm having the same feelings myself. I've been going through some old pictures over the past couple of days in order to put together a montage for my wedding. I went through a lot of shit growing up, but looking at them I realize that things didn't seem so bad. It was almost like a catharsis to look at them. One of the pictures I was going through was my picture from the 1st grade. I was bald and skinny from radiation, but just looking at that picture had a small smile on my face. I wish that I could just talk to that kid. I'd tell him to hang in there and try to enjoy life. Things are going to get rough, but just hang on, and don't take life too seriously. I'd also tell him to take photography instead of Spanish in high school, not take Algebra 1 in 9th grade, and go with your first thought when making a decision.

I told my therapist once that we tend to look at the past and the future with rose-colored glasses. Reality is the one thing we can't handle.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWndzU0afO4

I love this scene from Mad Men regarding nostalgia.

Sometimes I look through old pictures and it pains me.. mostly regarding my weight.. I look back on pictures when i am thinner and it really just aches.