Craving... Stimulation?

[SanguineChild]

I am a happy, (mostly) stable, Bi-polar, recovering cutter in her late 20s. I am extremely happy with my job, my living situation, my love life, my creative brain, and myself. So why am I sitting in my happy kitchen with my loving friends silently contemplating how I can excuse myself to go play with a straight razor.... or internet porn. Really doesn't matter which.

Recently I've been getting this incredible urge to... well, stimulate. Generally happens when I have a some down time, but not always. I don't know how else to describe it. I have an burning need to *feel* something extreme. The two 'solutions' that instantly come to mind are masturbating and cutting. Sometimes eating something extreme (like an entire box of Andes mints) will almost fix it. These urges are super compulsive in nature and are becoming more frequent.

As a recovering cutter, I am totally familiar with the random urge, but there is at least a feeling of anxiety, stress, or some other emotion, even if there is no trigger. Here there are no antecedents that I can track, except maybe a slight boredom with my current activity. No feelings at all really, pleasant or otherwise. Just a general... need? I don't really know that right word.

Has anyone ever experienced something like this? Or have any clue what might be slipping through the back door of my brain and letting my id out of it's kennel?

Cheers.

[oak]

Welcome, Child. Thanks for your post, and thanks for your honesty.

I can't offer any advice or thoughts about cutting, and I do know deeply about cravings!

I guess the most I can say is that I am really happy that you are happy. A good job, your living situation, your creativity, and your love life.

I send out happy vibes for your happiness.

I wish I could offer better advice, but yeah I do understand about cravings. You are not alone.

[manuel_moe_g]

Hello SanguineChild, welcome to our little forum! I am incompetent to help you. In my life I know that to manage anxiety there are techniques that are harmful in the long-run, and techniques that are helpful in the long-run, and I am trying to develop the wisdom and the discipline and the habit of doing the good ones. And my current track record is shitty. I get so tired from effort. And I keep trying. And things have gotten marginally better. [these are all the feelings I am feeling right now! ]

Looking forward to reading your written contributions to the forum threads. Please take care, cheers, we here are all cheering for you and for your greatest today and tomorrow!