Fakebook suggestion: being...genuine?

[manuel_moe_g]

A few weeks ago I posted a link to an incredibly personal essay on my Facebook.

One person "liked" it! This is an outrageous success.

But I am lucky in that I have a personality disorder where I blurt out embarrassing truths about myself and I am constantly over-sharing. I am truly fortunate!

Just you wait until you hear the "LA Podfest" live podcast, where Aisha Tyler laughs at my small penis (not really, but still). What I actually admitted out loud was that I was afraid, even though I no longer feel suicidal, that every day until I die I would feel ambivalent about being alive. I would never really want to be alive, because of my anxiety. I don't know if it was smart to say that into a microphone in the live podcast recording, but I said it, and I don't give a fuck (pretty much). Walking out of the room where they recorded the podcast in front of a live audience, I had the distinct feeling that I over-shared, and that I made myself (even more) repulsive to the women of the audience, and I humbled myself before all the men of the audience. Of course, then I just said "aw, fuck it, and fuck anyone who thinks less of me or treats me as untouchable or pathetic because I over-share".

I have no idea if I am living life correctly.

What ultimately drove me away was the political divisiveness.

I indulge in politics, but I know, in the final analysis, really-existing politics is just cretinous tribalism. The inner battle is the only real battle.

[serenity88]

Manual_moe, why would you say that you made yourself repulsive to the women in the audience?

From my perspective, admitting to a very personal fear takes a lot of courage. It is admirable. Your so called 'over sharing' might be one way that takes you toward healing.

If someone reacted negatively... yes fuck them. Such a person is quite clearly insecure. That person may relate to your fear or have their own very deep fear, but could not imagine letting anyone else know about it. They can scarcely think about it, accept it or attempt to change it. These people keep their troubles and fears hidden away in nice neat packages. You know that is so often the case. So these nicely wrapped people with pretty bows on top are actually wishing they had the courage to do the same as you.

My take on things. Take care.

serenity88