Paranoia / Suspicion... what do I call this??

[villainspired]

Hello everyone,

For a brief background, I've been diagnsed with bipolar type II, with some anxiety and phobia issues. I've been trying different medications for the past decade and I've been in therapy for most of that, now finally working with an incredible therapist for the past three years. I also work as an RN in a psychiatric state hospital, so I'm quite experienced with terminology and diagnosis. However, I've always been kind of confused as what to call what I experience.

What I struggle with most is, what I most easily call "paranoia"... when I experience this, I think/know somene (usually a boyfriend, but often a friend or coworker) is somehow conspiring against me (bad choice of words). I've suspected everyone I've ever dated of cheating on me. Now, in some cases my suspicion was pretty well founded, but I've dated a couple complete recluses who never left their houses and were in constant contact with me. I still suspected them of infidelity. However, my therapist (who I have discussed this at length with and even brought an at-the-time-boyfriend in to sessions with) states that this is NOT psychosis or clinical paranoia, because I can be "talked out of it"... Example: I, at one point, thought my partner was meeting with his ex girlfriend when he took a 30-minute run to the grocery store. Obviously this was not the case. At the time, however, I feel overwhelming anxiety/rage/sadness and almost cannot avoid "acting on" (confronting the person) my thoughts. After I have confronted the person (usually resulting in a massive blowout due to my emotional state), I no longer believe this to be the case and I can dismiss my "paranoid thoughts." This is an extreme example and usually things are more mild. My therapist says this is simply very extreme anxiety, but calling it that doesn't feel right. I have experienced anxiety to be more of a "feeling" - being worried about doing poorly on an exam or something. But calling it paranoia seems wrong, too, because when I see true paranoia in my patients they CANNOT be argued out of their delusions for anything. Their beliefs are "fixed", where mine are not.

What should I call this? I don't want to be insulting to people with true paranoia, and it feels grossly inadequate to call it anxiety... has anyone else experienced this?

[kirkpatrick]

By definition (?), paranoia is a delusion which is an irrational belief. This means that it is something that you believe despite the obvious evidence tot he contrary or the fact that the notion is impossible on its face. It sounds to me what you have is a case of insecurity. Maybe you want/need to be reassured that everything is okay/safe and that the worse is not going to hurt you. Its not uncommon to be afraid of being burned if you have a history with that. The good news is, it sounds like something you and the therapist can work on.