Mind Body and Trauma

[Mental Fairy]

I’m learning I’m a solo creature. I’m with 10 strangers and Joe. Today we swam in a lake of 1degrees. Wind chill -5.
I was confronted with all the nakedness of the world today. We all got changed literally next to a waterfall. The energy was as it was. High spirits and a lot of energy. Fuk it, we all stripped down to our nothings and got our togs on. In we went. All this was ok in the moment but now I look back and ask…..WTF! We’re nuts!
It was amazing. When it goes to Facebook I will send the link.
Currently upstairs on my room with my boom about the PCT walk. Something I would love to do.
I don’t wish to participate in the hot tubs or saunas. I was smug when everyone was in the sauna and hot tub and the power went off! I had my hot shower and cuppa and was sitting by the fire while they all ran inside!!!

Wishing I was in a hut somewhere remote

[Mental Fairy]

Hi team

Today we fly home. Would I do this again as a group? Nope!

Would I travel with my husband again, yes, but not in a group setting or on a mountain.

My mental and physical strength currently is almost in the negatives.

Today we have breakfast, then head to snow and ice. I am not going to participate in this one. I’m beyond exhausted and a little bitter and twisted!

Each person here is incredibly interesting and also testing. I don’t understand a few of them but I also done wish to try understand them.

Better go do yoga at least

[manuel_moe_g]

Wishing you the very best, Mental Fairy

[manuel_moe_g]

when are the classes on the nervous system?

[Mental Fairy]

Hi MM and team

Nervous system training is still going. Started four weeks ago and still another four to go.

We got back from retreat a couple of days ago. I learnt a lot about myself, Joe and us as a couple.

Would I do it all again? Absolutely not.
At one stage we were asked to hold water in our mouths and climb a massive hill. We were not allowed to breathe at all from our mouths. If we did obviously the water would be ejected from the mouth meaning we are unable to control our breath. If anything this exercise made me infuriated. About 400metres into the climb I spat it out.
The first day was intense and confronting. Second day more so. After that we both noted we are not the kind of people to travel in a group setting. I liked the people, don’t get me wrong. But the first two days before we joined the retreat we were having the best time. We connected mentally in a way. There was a beacon of hope we are doing ok if not great. However, I still can’t do the intimacy thing.

Flying home late at night was hard on the mind. I just don’t cope well with multiple late nights. The last two days all I want to do is sleep.

I will send you the link of live wild Facebook to see our adventures.

Today I am preparing for surgery tomorrow morning. No longer able to eat. Drinking at Pooh juice to clean out the system. I feel like I’ve been through a blender currently.

The nervous system training has been valuable. I’ve learnt about pressure points, self control and self awareness. Coming back to the breath and self. Food and fluids.

Will go into more detail if you wish.

Need the loo!
https://m.facebook.com/livewild.co.nz/

I am the one with beanie on. And Joe is in the outdoor bath with me beside him helping him through a panic !

[Mental Fairy]

Hi All

Day two post op and going ok. I’m very grateful the boys are away for a couple of days to see some car show up north.

To occupy my mind and keep me on track I have taken up the old hobby of geocaching. Yesterday it took me on an adventure in a bush I’ve never been in. As children we were told to never go there. When look back I think the bush area was far safer than being at home!

Looking like a crazy middle aged lady digging around behind trees and under logs, I came to find some of the biggest caches I’ve ever found. My inner child was giddy with glee. A couple of people looked at me weird but I really don’t care. I’ve just had a new designer arse hole and they haven’t. It’s time to celebrate the shit hole of life. So what if I want to do it playing adult hide and go seek. In fact I am going back for more today as I’ve downloaded premium geocaching and now have access to a lot more things plus other things it offers. It’s addictive. Better than drugs and chewing my nails.

Surgery was interesting. Again I woke way too early and started grabbing at my face and having a panic. I’ve never done this before up until my hand surgery at Christmas. The surgeon was pre warmed I tend to flip out if I’m woken and there is stuff over my eyes or mouth. Sure enough, I did it again. The first half of the surgery I was awake for. Gastro tube was passed down the throat through a mouthpiece I had to bite on. This simple act put me into a panic space and immediately images of things and events came flooding in. It was a little scary there for a moment.
I don’t remember Donya coming to see me afterwards or crying. I just remember coming home. The brain is so incredibly complex.
Two nights has gone by and every night there has been dreams of the past, I’m sure this will pass.

I’ve not run now in over six weeks. I am kind of glad. The body needed the rest. Once I can get this arse in a seat comfortably I will peddle around and get used to the new seat I have been gifted by a rather lovely surgeon!
The stomach is showing signs that the disease has spread. Going to try work out how to help this heal, maybe not completely but I will try.

Second day of winter here so I’m in my happy season. Gives me a spring in my step.

Better get my new arse into gear and have a shower.

Hugs all round

[Mental Fairy]

I love rolling in the mud. Well rolling in the mud is a little exaggerated but I love walking in it up to my knees, and if I’m lucky to my thighs.

Today I felt good to go for a little walk. To the bush I go. Donya riding shotgun, coffee on the go pre ordered at the next gas station. There’s something truly special about jumping a line of people, grabbing your cup of coffee with a made up funny name on it and dashing back to the idling car, all while wearing mountain kit. Names today were Thelma and Louise.

We drive 20min south to the edge of the national park. I admittedly felt ok but not ok if that makes sense. I wanted the company but not the chit chat. Upon arriving ant the entrance to York Loop track I ready myself for the geocaching hide and go seek. Immediately we begin the hunt. We aimed to get 23 today.

Having done this walk before I thought I knew the track well. I was taken aback by the growth of the trail. Huts from the early settlers now gone but rail lines still looking like they could be used. We made our way to a river I forgot was even there. I sit and start the process of removing my items I am wearing one by one. Donya looking on in shock. It’s early winter and I’m rather used to the cold water now. Shit, I just swam in much colder temperatures, this will be a breeze. I didn’t bring a towel or togs as I had absolutely no memory of this river. I laughed with a devilish laugh and waded my way into the river. Donya looking on in complete shock. My gosh it was beautiful, warm in comparison to what I have been used to down south. Coming out of the water the tingle begins. Donya still standing in Complete shock, jaw open and no words coming out. I smile and holla ‘WHEN IN ROME’

Warming up fast we carry on down the trails. New discovery after new discovery. Logging many caches and also unable to find a few. A couple of people come up behind us, tempted to jump into the bush we pretend to be admiring the trees. Which isn’t a lie!
Many caches later e come to a complete stop determined to get a cache, a couple and their daughter come down the trail. We exchange pleasantries and explain we are looking for a cache. They had a blank look and we didn’t dare to explain. This was our hunt, our day, our fun.

Coming out of the bush 5 hours later we reviewed our finds. Take notes for the next mystery multi caches for when we have to return. We drive back home in complete silence knowing that today we needed to let our inner child out to play.

I came home to sleep for the rest of the afternoon.

Amen to friends

[snoringdog]

Sounds like a great time.

So, what's in a cache when you find one, a note or something?
And do you leave anything for the next party?

[Mental Fairy]

Hi SD..

https://youtu.be/P3QYzgKrar8?si=WM14s7PcdsoxrDzY

Yesterday’s trip was a series of difficult finds as the caches were in the size of a bolt in the back of a sign, tiny little camouflage containers, caches with lock boxes you need to collect clues for GPS location. I always carry a magnet as some are reactive to magnets only. Once located, you open and sign it off. Exchange a gift if you wish,

This is an activity I used to do with Matt when he was little. While away on the retreat I felt I had to tap into this inner child of mine again, something you yourself gave me advice on a couple of years ago.
The beauty of geocaching is you learn so much about a location, there is generally history attached to the location or significant stories. One place yesterday was very questionable about how to approach it. You do end up in some really crazy places.

Last night Soral, Donya and i attended a manta ray fundraiser, short film on the manta and its migration around the pacific, absolutely massive fish.

I head back to work tomorrow, looking forward to going back. Today will make the most of the day.
Will try get a walk in also to keep the endorphins flowing.

[manuel_moe_g]

Yesterday’s trip was a series of difficult finds as the caches were in the size of a bolt in the back of a sign, tiny little camouflage containers, caches with lock boxes you need to collect clues for GPS location. I always carry a magnet as some are reactive to magnets only.

So cool

all blessings to you, Mental Fairy, sending you all the warm, good vibes over the internet wires!