YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

In less than 48 hours I’m going to be back in the South Island!

First of all I am not a keen flyer. So I got me a good book.

Second of all: this is officially my first time ever in nearly 18 years I’ve been away alone with my husband. I have never ever been on any holiday with him alone. I feel nervous, anxious and kind of scared. I’ve always travelled with climbing teams or just climbing partner, and my son of course.

I believe this will be very interesting and helpful for us to know where we both stand and how we are progressing individually as a couple.

I think of all the times I’ve been away and the exploring I have done solo. I adore my own space, my own time to be with myself. I’m about to lay bare my emotions, my body and my soul.

This with either make or break us.

Mental Fairy wrote: ↑May 20th, 2024, 9:26 pm This with either make or break us.

I've found that being away with one's spouse isn't that much different from spending time at home in the same space: the same quirks, the same good and bad. By now I've realised that both my wife and I (consciously or not) add an extra measure of patience while on a trip because of the snap decisions and stress that invariably come up. If you're already on edge before travelling and have lots of expectations, you'll be tripping yourself up.

Hello Mental Fairy,

If I may, a few things that came to mind reading about the anger you felt the other day-

Thoughts on what may have triggered your anger;

Feeling like your personal space is being invaded. An automatic response to the emotional letdown upon seeing crowds after such a beautiful, rewarding and emotional experience...

Being unable to control others or the circumstances of where you will interact.
• Time for people & interaction –> in the office.
• Time for solitude or one-to-one bonding –> on the mountain or during a run.

Knowing how being ill equipped can lead to danger and even death on the mountain. (“People are stupid and unreliable” is often and unfortunately, my default setting, but ya know...)

Seeing a mother with her daughter in a show of togetherness (even though a bit ridiculous) – You never had anything remotely resembling that. You were rejected. (I so hate to think of that, God!). Could be quite understandable, subliminal rage?

(For me, anger turns inward and can lead toward impulsive and destructive actions and even self-harm. In any case, excessive anger is unhealthy, so must be managed. How to recognize and sidestep it?)

On another note - On trips I’ve found it good to try to find a balance between sticking to plans and being spontaneous.

Take this for what it's worth, if anything. just a few spontaneous ideas

SD

Hi SD

I agree 100% that it is about feeling my personal space being invaded. That’s how it felt. Still feel angry a bit.

We are currently sitting in Auckland airport. One flight down, one to go. Snowing down south. Fun times or painful times ahead!

Queenstown lake

View from hotel

The feeling is mutual

Maori sculpture

Love this

Had a couple of really interesting mental moments today. Will post. Just need some sleep. Mentally exhausted