YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

I am sorry to hear that, Mental Fairy.

In my own marriage, I am moving slow because I want to communicate clearly and completely

I am wishing you the very best

Hi MM
The talks have begun about what we do and what happens with separation. Try keep as clean and less combative as possible. The last three months I’ve seen a massive void.
There is absolutely zero intimacy and no attraction from my side. I can’t even begin to explain how bad that feels. I feel like I’m in this marriage for all the wrong reasons.

Hello Mental Fairy,

I'm sorry to hear about your difficulties. Marriage is hard.

We got married coming out of the Christian fundamentalist group we were in. (No one was "good enough" to get married while in. Perpetually under a microscope and being judged).
So, we both had a lot of baggage to unpack. I know I was depressed and angry and a poor communicator. If I had it to do over, I'd try to be more supportive and understanding, and less defensive, but I was wrapped up in my own turmoil.

At some point years ago, we were cleaning out a closet and I noticed that my wife's wedding dress was gone. When I asked about it, she said that at one point she was so angry with me that she'd thrown it in the garbage! I'm ashamed of that.

Whatever you decide, yes, try to keep the emotional and blame components minimized (so hard!). They can feel good, but they're not helpful. (Mine tend inward, to bad effect).

Hi SD

Funny you said that about wedding dream. I did the same about four weeks ago!

That's kinda sad.

Under better circumstances I suppose they could be donated to a good cause.

My niece recently got married in a 1920's wedding dress she found that was quite understated and elegant.