Mind Body and Trauma

[Mental Fairy]

Your more than welcome to use Gia!

Today is a roller coaster of sickness. Yesterday I started on anti viral under the understanding I could relapse after I stop in five days.
Sleep has been on and off not to mention the coughing. I haven’t coughed so much in my life.

Keeping good nutrition going in. Doctors call three times a day so I am aware how fast this can change but so far so goodish!!!

My son is bad enough that he losing stomach contents when he coughs. Joes on the way to recovery. I don’t think I took the full force of this covid virus seriously enough.

Nothing like a virus to give you a reminder how quick things can change.

I’ve also just discovered online shopping!!! Groceries I mean. I’ve never done that before and have to say I felt very out of my depth! Amusing how a 41 year old doesn’t do anything other than this forum and listen to podcasts with the internet!! Such a old lady!

Well my dear friends onto my yoga mat to stretch. No running for a month apparently!! You will hear some screaming outside your windows in the coming days. Don’t be alarmed as it’s only me.

[snoringdog]

Hello Gia,

So glad to hear! Save your strength, Covid is a bit tougher than the flu.

Watch everyone's breathing and blood O2 levels. (Pulse oximeter)

Getting rushed out the door for another week away. Not as relaxing this time because with others, but hey, better than the office.



SD

[oak]

No running for a month apparently!!

That sounds prudent. "Go slow to go fast" is indicated.

You will hear some screaming outside your windows in the coming days. Don’t be alarmed as it’s only me.

Screaming is honest, often more honest than words. And at least you are still expressing yourself, Mental Fairy.

Hang in there! Keep us posted.

[rivergirl]

I've been meaning to congratulate you on your speech, Mental Fairy (I'm so proud of you for following through despite your fears!)

I'm sorry to hear that you and your family are now suffering with Covid. Please take care and keep us updated.

[Mental Fairy]

Well my dear friends I am out the arse end of covid. Not fun! Not one bit. It made me take a few moments to remember the people whom lost their lives not just of covid but of viruses in history that there was no treatment for.

I am grateful I got antiviral. My surgery has been postponed as my lungs have taken a hit. So they will call to rebook. Not to worry.

There is amble housing in my garden for the birds. I now have two pet ducks whom visit twice a day. ( they need names, please feel free!)

I finished a book that drove me up the wall. Now started another that’s got me back into the depths of World War 2. I love history and true stories so reading The Three Sisters. Third book after Tattooist of Auschwitz and Cilkas journey.
Wasn’t my plan to read and very heavy but I am getting through it with renewed graditude.
Spend my avo listening to interviews of men and women whom survived the camps.
When I read a simple book I research it also. A little mad but I want to know the entire surrounding of a book. That’s just me!

We will be returning to work next Monday as my boss is unwell but not with covid. It’s flu season here and people are finding it worse than covid.

I’m struggling mentally with not running. That is my happy place. So I found myself walking 13km daily to keep my legs going and mind somewhat accepting that that’s all it can do. I don’t want long covid but I don’t want to stop. Eating is become hard as I’m not running so the old Gia keeps popping in to say very nasty things to me! Bitch!!!!

Oak, I’m thinking of your and your progress. Your like a replica of my husband. He cut his family off a year ago as when his father died of motor neurones disease a while ago his mum immediately moved in with a new man within two weeks. Long story there but he is you!! He knows he’s struggling with weight and just last week he got some hiking shoes to go bush walking.
He has never hiked with me ever. That was my thing for years. Climbing rock and ice, scaling our mountain most weekends. I was so selfish. I literally put the mountain before him. It almost cost me my marriage that hill. I sold all my kit. Crampons, axes and clothing. Gone. Running stepped in. Now, he wants to hike with me. I feel excited. It hasn’t happened yet but I’m hoping it will. He battles much the same as you Oak. The pair of you would be incredibly good friends. I feel lucky to have had this time with the pair of ya!! And the rest of you people on here. But then that’s the kiwi way!

Alas, I best go top up the bird feeder, check the chicken in the oven…don’t tell my feathery friends! And put the heater on. It’s cold as a frogs tit here.

So good to hear from Rivergirl.

[oak]

Mental Fairy, thank you for sharing. I'm glad you're feeling better. And yes, Covid will humble anyone. It is evil.

I'm glad you're enjoying your new duck friends. If a name comes to me, I'll let you know.

Regarding WWII media, where people survive very difficult situations, I have two strong recommendations, and one qualified recommendation:

1. The book "Rather Die Fighting" by Frank Blaichman. I say "qualified" because I found him to be 95% trustworthy, having put the best possible spin on some of his actions. Still, it is a quick and interesting read, well worth it if you can get it through your public library.

2. The film "Operation Finale" with Oscar Isaac. What do survivors owe those who didn't make it?

Highly recommended.

3. The "Pacific Crucible" trilogy by Ian Toll. How do we handle devastating defeats? Where do we start when there's so little hope?

Also, New Zealand plays a small but interesting role, specifically their stevedores.

Lastly, your husband sounds like a good brother.

Like you, I am struck by the similarities: a father laid low by neurodegenerative disease, a "strong-willed" mother, our bodies making manifest grief and trauma (weight gain), and beginning steps (literal, in your husband's situation!) to start today to make things better.

And yes, I'm sure he and I would be good friends.

One last thing, Mental Fairy, if you're looking for something to watch:

I just found out that the lead actress from a movie I enjoy is from New Zealand: Melanie Lynksky in "I Don't Feel at Home in This World Anymore".

While it has a lot of violence, it is an interesting study in learning to stand up for oneself.

[Mental Fairy]

Hi Oak, Melanie is from our town! Her parents were my patents in dental. Lovely family and very humble.

I will look into the books your suggested. Very much enjoy true stories. Having a navy based family I have quite a lot of info on New Zealand and often look back at the photos in shock of what they went through. History seems to keep repeating itself.

Today is a odd day. Been in my walking clothing for hours but can’t bring myself to go outside. So bloody silly. I should of gone early hours but covid has knocked me a little. The thought of walking in daylight is absolutely horrible for myself. So so silly and I know it. Mental hurdles that I can’t explain.

Got to washing to hang out so might trick the brain into going afterwards! Take off up the driveway and head for the sidewalk as if to trick the mind!! Wish I could leave my brain at home!
Put it in the kettle to shock the boys! Pop it in the fridge! Leave it on the cat bowl. Haha the options of endless.

I do have lots to say but the head is in some stuck holding pattern.

[oak]

Mental Fairy, good afternoon and thank you for sharing.

I hope your is better!

Also, I like the image of your brain (or mind, which I think are probably the same thing) stalking and snooping and spying around the house, much like a cat. Stirring up trouble, as if we need any more trouble in this life!

[Mental Fairy]

Hi Family

Odd few days. Covid left a sting in its tail but getting back to the normal roller coaster me.
Had a couple of medical emergencies at work so been keeping odd hours. Weekend was something different as my husband whom is struggling with weight has openly asked for me to take him to my old stomping ground. THE MOUNTAIN.

This is a big deal, as the hill also cost us our marriage many years back. I was always on it, walking, climbing, sliding, falling and eventually running around it. I recall the walking out of our marriage nights a few times. Eventually selling everything to compromise and run only at sea level. My life insurance also wouldn’t cover my death above snow level anyway!

Long story short we did a hike and he survived!

I did have an emotional moment going into the bush line. I absolutely love being in the forest. I love the green leafy colours. The smell and the peace. I can’t replicate that on a beach. I got emotional knowing this hill nearly cost me everything. I got emotional because I was a completely different person. However, I heard my demands louder than ever.
I struggle with self esteem and on Friday night Joe and I were talking as I still refuse to get some cancer screening done on myself. I almost booked in for the check I need seperate to the bowel screening but I chickened out. He asked me why, my response was I don’t care enough about myself currently. That they would be fine without me. That I can’t face knowing. Not knowing is easier and deal with it if I have too later.
Something changed the next day…..I went for a hike. I saw the green, I smelt the smells of the native land. I hugged a tree. I listened to silence. I felt alive again. Happy, grateful and wanted more.
We got home, i felt deflated. I wanted to run this morning but didn’t. So I walked for three hours in daylight and absolutely hated every footstep.
So confusing people. So bloody confusing.

I should be grateful and I am, don’t get me wrong. I saw my son drive past on his way to work while On my walk. I ignored the car like I ignored the Mother’s Day hug earlier this year and how I made up for it once I learned why. Grief

I’m afraid. I am absolutely terrified of my future. Losing your family sucks. Gaining abilities to help with grief is challenging. I hear rivergirl suffering of loss and I just want to ease that pain a bit so she can breath a little better. Grief pops up in the strangest of places and yesterday it went on a bush walk with me.

Thinking of your all, you are all such beautiful people with the right hearts in the right places.

Kia Kaha
X

[oak]

Mental Fairy, thank you for sharing.

I'm glad you and your husband had a chance to walk on your beloved mountain.

I'm glad you're feeling better from the Covid.

Please do keep us posted!