Mind Body and Trauma

[Mental Fairy]

Hi Team

I’m not going to lie, the emotional roller coaster has been a bitch.

Summer person I am not. The heat is hideous, my nights are a mix of hideous dreams and nice dreams, the sooner autumn gets here the better.

The surgery is up and running well.
I have fallen into a bit of a slump with it all, exhausting process.

Home life is testing, more so with me having the freedom of separation and yet dwelling on the past experiences from time to time.

I have been geocaching as much as I can to divert my attention out of the darkness. Little discoveries made along the way, history to be found in the oddest of places. I had to climb into an old historic Rata tree on the stony river the other day to locate a cache, let’s just say putting your hands into holes full of spiders and wetas is enough to divert any bad mood!

I found out an old geocache coin I found back in 2016 has made it to Rio currently. That was a nice surprise.

I’ve noted my problem with low self confidence is deeper than I thought through some more therapy. My triggers are very clearly related to my mother and father’s behaviour as a young one.

My son and I have grown so much closer over the last few weeks, I find this incredibly comforting.

My observation lately is I can’t stand people who are late to meet me, make me wait or don’t communicate. It’s deeply frustrating and incredibly disrespectful. I did have a little argument with a friend about it and make the point that I won’t stand for it. Let’s just say it hit a nerve! I was so darn low and angry I slept at the clinic on Saturday just to hide away from the world and be on my own. You would think I would have gone to the bush but for some silly reason I went to the clinic!!! Nutta!

As a child I was always let down, put to the side or put somewhere I didn’t want to be, this is become a little issue of late.

I have taken some recent advice and started to write more in a journal of sorts. This journal has a plethora of challenging questions I am struggling with. More so because I don’t what to write down certain words as it sends me on a tailspin of doom.

I am trying so so so hard not to look at the news. The world is a circus right night.

Books were my way of coping with the negative of the days. Trying my hardest to get my concentration back into the books.

Let’s see what this week will bring…….

[Mental Fairy]

Sometimes the hardest part of the day is just putting my feet on the ground beside my bed.