Mind Body and Trauma

[Beany Boo]

Been thinking about my therapy and I feel it’s become very real and confronting and that’s why I get the jitters. Does that make sense?

Total sense

Sometimes it is distressing not to have language ready around something that is coming up for you.

Or language around a type of intimacy you have not experienced before.

Or your therapist might be getting up in your business in a way they don’t realize is too much for you right now.

Without stepping on their toes, I think it’s important to let you know that you can just say, “stop.” And say it without apology or explanation. And then wait together while you return to what feels safe in your body.

[Mental Fairy]

Thank you Beany.

I am picking up what you are putting down. The first week of leave I felt lost, unable to disconnect from work. Which I am still not able to do, feel it is not possible in medicine.

The second week went very fast, i now sit and ponder what I achieved!

All the things I thought I would do in this time off I did not approach. Why, not sure.

I like to awake to a kind of plan. That was something I was trying to not do over this time, tried to feel some spontaneous feeling. All I felt was exhaustion. The last three days all i have wanted to do is sleep. I am excited to be going back next week. I feel it’s where I belong and hide well!

In my head all I can hear is instructions to just sit and do some drawing or read a little. Again I won’t allow it.

It’s summer here but raining. The east coast is currently undergoing evacuation due to floods, we are safe currently. It feels endless these weather systems that unfold themselves over us.

Today is still to present itself, I am yet to decided how my day will pan out. I am very aware of the pain in my joints and have hospital appointments Monday to see how I am doing. Awaiting the condemnation of running!

[snoringdog]

Hello Mental Fairy,

May I offer a few comments?

The first week of leave I felt lost, unable to disconnect from work. Which I am still not able to do, feel it is not possible in medicine.

That seems entirely reasonable. We find meaning in work, and you are in such a "high touch" field. It must be hard to detach, especially when you feel that others are counting on you for so much.

...I can hear is instructions to just sit and do some drawing or read a little. Again I won’t allow it.

For some reason, I've always been interested in scripts and forms of writing. (The manuscripts sections in museums can sometimes be as captivating as any of the art on display).

Are you artistically inclined? I'm not, unfortunately, but at one point was practicing a bit of calligraphy. There's something satisfying in holding a nice pen in hand and trying to draw forms on good paper. (And you can throw out the bad ones ).

I've been watching a few online videos about Egyptian Hieroglyphics. There are a few different types of birds they used, and I'd like to try to learn to draw them.

Hope your day goes well.

(And may I say without risking offense, that running should be for pleasure and not for punishment?)

SD

[Mental Fairy]

Hi SD

Yes agree running should be a pleasure and it absolutely is. It just hurts at times of frustration!

Currently sitting in bed with a cuppa planning todays big run. Sunday fun day!

Art, yes it is something I do appreciate and something I did study in high school. My portfolio was on Egyptian hieroglyphics. Was a strong interest of mine but mother thought it a waste of time and declined to support my likes in life.

I am somewhat excited about the upcoming week at work. I like to be organised and the organisation in my job is satisfying in a strange kind of way.

Last night was shocking dream night. Feeling very annoyed at how my sleep is a nightmare.

Must go get ready for this run, lots of rain here currently.

Thinking of you all! Doing some miles for each of you today.

[oak]

Thank you for sharing, Mental Fairy.

[Mental Fairy]

Hello my people!

Well it’s Monday here and it’s gone from floods to dry really fast.

Back to work for me. Half day today as hospital oncology appointments this afternoon at two.

Sunday run was perfect and so was todays so I’m feeling good. It’s amazing the power of movement. The constant trying to overcome my fear of running in daylight is working. Slow going but most runs now are in daylight. Have huge anxiety to begin with but once I get in the groove I pop on my sunglasses and focus on the body. The rest just falls away.

Sleep is still a nightmare but again I am learning to try not focus on that to much.

Well better get ready for appointment. And it better be good news.

[Mental Fairy]

Raise your hand if you have seen Stutz on Netflix????

[oak]

Raise your hand if you have seen Stutz on Netflix????

I have not, but it looks interesting. Thanks for recommending. I know he found healing through martial arts.

Also, I am glad your return to work is going well, Mental Fairy, and that the recent run was particularly joyful.

Keep us posted!

[Mental Fairy]

Hey beautiful peps

Oncology went well, still every three months at this stage.
Body is in remission still thus far. Stay on medication for two more years to buy me some time in this phase. Wean off slowly they say in 24 months.

Running has gone up a notch and feeling some what proud of myself to overcome some self confidence issues with it all.

Sleeping is still an issue as far as the bad dreams. It’s like some demonic mother ducker comes out in my head when I sleep.

I found a spider in my garden whom has camouflage skills to make himself look like the flower itself. Will get a photo. It blew me away to see a spider that looks like a flower! Small things!

Very hot here currently so making the most of early morning coolness and evening drizzle due to incoming thunderstorms!!! Mental weather.

The power of acknowledgment is increasing fascinating to me. The emotions that come with it. Then there is always this devil on one’s shoulder that try’s to knock one back down again.

Last night my son and I sat on the deck and listened to some music together. He was having a moment of missing his mate that passed away last year due to suicide. He was angry about how is makes him feel. How long lasting the frustration of emotions springing from helplessness to anger to sadness and back again makes him feel. We found a song he loved and we played it and listened to the words. We said I little something to the ether about how he was missed and walked back inside. Feel so helpless as a mum in this situation.

Thinking of you all. Mental hugs

[snoringdog]

Feel so helpless as a mum in this situation.

Being there together to acknowledge and process the feelings is worth more to him than you can imagine...