Mind Body and Trauma

[oak]

keep on flying Kenny, if you mean that much to Mental Fairy, you must be a good spirit

Word.

[Mental Fairy]

Hi Team

I am actually lost for words currently. I had to not go home last night after work, i went to an old friend of mine of many years whom has been in and around the family for nearly 20+ years. We were scout leaders together. I spent a good four or so hours there just trying to remove myself from home environment and to talk things over. Grief works in odd ways. I got home around 9:30pm to Joe vomiting after being stung by a bee and Matt playing a you tube clip about resilience and strength. He played it for me, all the while i am noticing this is his way of saying we can get through things no matter how hard. I just hugged him and went outside and watched the stars for a bit.

I feel defeated. Cursed, powerless and tired.

[manuel_moe_g]

I feel defeated. Cursed, powerless and tired.

Yeah. But the cursed and powerless is strictly not true. Pain that life throws in our way allows us to connect authentically with others in pain, which is a power, and which is how a curse become not strictly a curse.

But tired, i can understand. Be gentle with yourself.

[Mental Fairy]

We have another cyclone coming. WTF!

[oak]

We have another cyclone coming. WTF!

Oh no!

Are you, perhaps, at the stage I was about ten days ago, where one can only laugh at the unending absurdity of one bad luck after another?

[snoringdog]

Matt playing a you tube clip about resilience and strength. He played it for me, all the while i am noticing this is his way of saying we can get through things no matter how hard.

That's a hopeful thing! You've been thru so much turmoil in the last few days.

[Mental Fairy]

Hi my people

Prep is being undertaken all over the north island for the predicted cyclone. It will hit up north again, sadly they have not finished the clean up since the last one. Many homes lost a couple of weeks ago with no chance of repair will be taken down after this next cyclone rolls through. We have had a text alert on phones to prepare for forceful winds from tomorrow till Tuesday.

Kenny’s funeral is on Friday next week. I will not be attending as I don’t wish too.
It has rocked the community and awaiting the report for the reasons the plane went down.

Matt is doing ok, he has spent most of today with his father and grandpa. I have taken a step back for the boys to heal and lick their wounds.

My sleep is broken and walking seems to be more of an issue early hours of the morning currently.

Feeling somewhat deflated and numb currently.

Get this cyclone over and done with and see what’s on the other side.

[snoringdog]

We are with you.

Kei a koe matou.

[Mental Fairy]

Oh SD

Thank you, that made me weep.

Mihi Koe e hoa
(Thank you my friend)

The mana is felt.

[Mental Fairy]

Good Morning Family

The storm is touching down, i understand there is no power in northland and all people are told to stay home. Taranaki has only got the wind thus far. It is easterly and blowing with a level of strength that has most people on edge. I am aware that is should pass over by late tomorrow. Both Joe and i had a sleepless night listening to it rolling in.

I am currently at my work desk and not expecting any patients until 2pm as we have to go to theatre this morning. I looked out my office window and i saw a patient whom i know somewhat well. She has been trying for pregnancy for over a year and we are currently giving her medications to help this process kick off. In her hands she is holding a large hamper full of fresh baking and a card on condolence for our loss of Kenny. This moment reminds me of human kindness. I only know her as a patient, yet i know everything there is about her on a very deep medical level. For her to do this for us was mind bendingly kind. Not many people do acts such as this. It gives me hope that there is kindness left in the world. In my inbox i had messages from patients with kind notes and thoughts. Again so kind. Many i have only come to meet once in my time here. That is the impact we have on people's lives. I think we go home at the end of the days so tired we forget how much we effect people.

My weekend was testing, Saturday is a blur. I recall doing a lot of housework and had a nap in the afternoon as i felt the darkness creep into the mind. I set myself up to fail my run on Sunday. I should have done this on Saturday. Sunday was a day of lost feeling. Pacing feeling on edge and so tired. My run turned into a walk as daylight steamed in. I saw people coming towards me and i immediately put my head down at every pacing person. This i struggle to understand. I baked some savory scones/muffins and make a meatloaf for dinner tonight.

Matt and Joe has mended their rift and things are somewhat normal again.

The overwhelming feeling to nap in the afternoon i can only put down to stress. I have such a level of negative self talk going on in my head that it becomes tiresome.

I find myself sitting somewhere and looking up at the night sky and wondering how you all are. Admiring the beauty of a star, the moon and the comet that was passing over.

Take care lovely people, thinking of you all