Mind Body and Trauma

[oak]

Well said, Manuel Moe.

Such a beautiful mountain, Mental Fairy. It looks like a severe place.

And thank you for thinking of me at the cooking event! Feel free to share any recipes, and don’t be afraid to use a little celery seed (my favorite spice).

[Mental Fairy]

Hey All

Two days of retreat under my belt. Two full days of being with strangers and allowing myself to be vulnerable.

Last time i did this retreat i was the sobbing mess on the floor during the breathing techniques. This time....i smiled. I felt stronger, more able to hold it together and not just because i didn't want to show weakness but because i didn't feel such strong sense of sadness and loss. I was aware of what was to come on day one, I went alone with no support person, i laid on that mat and i did as i was instructed. Thinking that facing that six year old me would be challenging again i prepared the yoga mat with a towel! What came over me when we were instructed to face this part of ourselves was a smile. Not a tear, no fear, no regret and no judgement. Last time i stood beside that little me while she was being abused i felt shame, disgust, anger, rage and deep deep pain. Pain on a level that can't be touched for too long or i start to sniff death closing in. This time there was a sense of relief, a calmness and a knowing i am healing in a way. The scars on my body tell of stories that will never be printed. The scars on my mind have be wide open and cleaned out. I will not wrap them up in any bow but i will allow them to form some healing and allow the body to follow. Not to take it out on myself no more, not to let any further scars be added by myself or others.

At the end of the evening and after the experience of the breath work and cold plunge i felt lighter, i felt some form of new self. Not so much pain body coming through. The teacher asked if anyone would like to share their experience. Being the only one in the room that had done this before i sat there and raised my hand without thinking. I said as follows; my name is Gia, i was on this floor four months ago laying in a puddle of tears, i cried for hours, days and the weeks that followed, there before me formed a new path of how to help myself heal. I knew i had to feel and allow the feeling to come with no resistance or distraction. Four months ago i was asked to face myself as a victim of years of sexual abuse. Today i faced myself with a smile and a knowing i am doing the right things to heal that little girl. I am no longer a victim, i am an experiencer of events that are frowned upon. I will not give it anymore drama filled words than it deserves. Yes i have a cruel bowel disease and faced cancer but thats been easier than the process of facing the past.

So yeah that was my last two days. The second day was a lesson on the science behind the body and what it does under stress, truma and so on. Then more cold plunges and acupuncture.
There was women there that were here from the USA for a few months and i wanted to connect with them but found i still can't mingle with people well. One women latched onto me as she is fighting stage 4 cancer and wanted to know how i was doing with my health and how i was keeping so well. It wasn't until a few hours later i clicked that is came down to being active, the forum and facing feelings no matter how uncomfortable they are when i am getting into the cold. Also as horrid as this might sound i have found the abuse is far worse than any diagnosis i have ever had, no matter how bad. That abuse sits up on the top of my medical records and there is an element of blame that goes onto those events that i think contributed to the health failing.

Oak, i know this could sound mental but when we did the cold plunge on day one i refused to go in with anyone else. I wanted to do it on my own and with you in mind. I mentally brought you along and sat there trying to go over all the conversations we have had on here.
On day two we did a cold plunge again and i made it a plunge to dedicate to SD and RG.

On Thursday when i went up that hill and sat on the rangers overlooking the mountain i honestly tried to conjure up an image of you all. I use imagery a lot before and during a run, i map out my days with imagery, something i was taught with hypnosis to reach my goals.

One question came to me over the weekend and it was: what would any of you do if you could swap a location to live for a month, what country, location and things would you love to do?

Photo to come

[Mental Fairy]

Hardest plunge when it’s borderline about to snow outside!

[Mental Fairy]

Late night dip!

[Mental Fairy]

Spot the duck!

[manuel_moe_g]

Mental Fairy,

So lovely you thought about our little group when you did the cold plunges

You are so heroic

But of course if I could wave a magic wand and take those horrific challenges away from you, I would do so in an instant

It is a horrible world that demands the best of us to be heroic just to survive

[manuel_moe_g]

Love the duck!

[Mental Fairy]

MM thank you. Your kindness from day one is what really solidified me here. You welcomed me with open keyboard and accepted me. Thank you

[oak]

Mental Fairy, congratulations on having exactly 1000 posts! It is great to have you.

And well done for facing those difficult issues. I am glad you got it through it last time, including the courageous tears, and were able to sit with it this time.

Oak, i know this could sound mental but when we did the cold plunge on day one i refused to go in with anyone else. I wanted to do it on my own and with you in mind. I mentally brought you along and sat there trying to go over all the conversations we have had on here.
On day two we did a cold plunge again and i made it a plunge to dedicate to SD and RG.

I am glad my example, however halting, gave you a little courage to plunge into the ice. There is something to be said for struggling in these physical matters, including ice baths and barre.

I am glad the duck made it into the photo.

That ice looks really cold.

Please don't hesitate to post more, especially if anything comes to your mind suddenly in the next few days

[Mental Fairy]

Omg 1000!
S*#t, lucky it’s not talking posts or you all wouldn’t have any ears left.

Thunder and lightning here. Time to make pizzas and prep for tomorrows dinner.

Talk soon