Mind Body and Trauma

[Mental Fairy]

This week has been long, even though the timing of a minutes never changers, its the simple fact of wanting a new weekend to start. This is our last day in clinic for two weeks. I will be popping in each day to check on patients but that is it.

Plans for the two weeks will be little adventures, biking, jogging and reading to catch up on. Try and get around the coast weather dependant. Currently snowing on the hill.

Like beany i am noticing moods fluctuate through the day, how i react is somewhat difficult to manage. I am aware i am tired, sleep last night was invaded by horrible thoughts.

Been working on my push ups, find them so hard but getting better.

Oak, you hit the nail on the head the other day about my love for investigative work, only two people know but i am currently half way through my police recruitment programme. Hence a lot of training. Yesterday i had to write a letter to explain the medical side of things to the medical team. They run me not long afterwards and thanked me for being so open and were moved apparently. I had formal interview day before yesterday, on the 5th of July i have an exam. If i pass that i will go through to the fitness test. The push ups are my concern. I love a good plank but i don't like the push part! It will take about a year to get through to college if i do pass. My aim is to work with victim support in the long term.

Better get back to the files.

Have a nice evening/morning/day wherever you all are!

SD i am keen to hear about your chats with the siblings on your recent trip.

[oak]

Oak, you hit the nail on the head the other day about my love for investigative work, only two people know but i am currently half way through my police recruitment programme. Hence a lot of training. Yesterday i had to write a letter to explain the medical side of things to the medical team. They run me not long afterwards and thanked me for being so open and were moved apparently. I had formal interview day before yesterday, on the 5th of July i have an exam. If i pass that i will go through to the fitness test. The push ups are my concern.

That’s great, Mental Fairy. I encourage you to pursue your dreams.

Also, if you get a chance, barre helps with one’s planks and core. Keep an eye out for a class

I hope you have a great weekend!

[Mental Fairy]

Saturday is here, almost gone.
Joes uncle has arrived from Australia to help us with grandpa. What a relief that is. Thankfully moving back so we have that support to help care for him.

Last night I fell into bed absolutely exhausted beyond words. Joe said I wasn’t able to hold a sentence together but I honestly can’t remember I was that tired.

Today we went to a demolition yard full of beautiful wood salvaged from places. We are wanting the garden gazebo to be built with recycled wood only. Found some bricks I can build a fire pit with.

Tomorrow snow is lowering so plan to head for the hills and get some hill climbing in on the lower tracks.

Headspace has been all over the show. Yesterday I even felt some tears coming on at a random moment. I blame hormones.

Next week I will try get out each day and so something that tests my comfort zone. Watch this space!

41 days until the trip central, still excited but nervous all at the same time. If there was ever one thing that I scares me it is doing public evens. After the one at beginning of the year I swore never again…..get back on the horse and all that ah! My dear friend Les who is going with me very much sounds like Manuel Moe. I do plan on taking you all along.

Better get a wiggle on and sort the washing.

Hope you made it home safe SD.

[Mental Fairy]

Would you believe it, we are being absolutely smashed by winds yet again. Two more trees down. It’s like our property and surrounding properties have holes in them from every storm we get hit with. There is only so much weather bombs one can take. It’s meant to pass over by 6pm tonight but damage done.

The joys of living on an island!

[oak]

There is only so much weather bombs one can take.

Mental Fairy, I hope you, your family, and your animal friends are all doing well.

To get a little meta, your experience of storm after storm is an apt description of 2023.

[Mental Fairy]

Hi Team

Check in time

It is Wednesday, it is day three of two weeks of downtime to catch up. I am currently at my work desk catching up as ya can tell!

I am feeling a little all over the place currently, i have therapy today at 1pm. Two fingernails down, eight to go.

Brought some new climbing boots yesterday so i can get back into the flow of the hill, both the boys raised their eyebrows at me and asked for me to update my will! Running shoes also updated ready for the race in August.

For some reason the last three nights i have been having interesting dreams about my hands, the first one being my mother cutting off my right index finger with a blunt knife. Second night something similar but far me graphic and the third night was being hog tied and thrown into a lake to drown. Also with my mother behind it all. Yes, i know i am an odd human.

Currently fighting the urge to just head bush and climb in the wind and rain we have being having on and off of over a week now. Tomorrow maybe.

As mentioned earlier i had recently heard from my old climbing partner, we were meant to catch up yesterday but i couldn't bring myself to see anyone. I am finding seeing people really difficult. Even around the house i just want to be invisible and left to myself. There is so many things i could be doing but i find every reason not to do the jobs i should be doing such as, going through old clothing, sorting out the pantry and fridge. Clean the car.. get supplies. All i want to do is just fade into the background and be left in silence.

The police sent me a long e-mail in regards to my bowel condition and it sounds like i will be going no further with this. I am meant to be sitting exam tomorrow which i think i will still do, but the health side of things sounds doubtful that i will be able to progress. I am somewhat guttered and feeling a but flat about it.

So that is where i am at...i am just feeling drained. Absolutely drained.

[oak]

Mental Fairy, I am sorry to hear the police experience may be drawing to a close. Let us know how you do tomorrow.

Keep us posted!

[Mental Fairy]

Went up the hill yesterday to put some training in for the race. I had two beautiful grounding moments.
One when I was driving up from the south side. And the other sitting in the middle of a rainbow.

I love nature

[Mental Fairy]

As I was making my way around this rainbow appeared. I stood there on my own and had a cuppa hot chocolate and took in every beautiful moment.

[Mental Fairy]

I have noticed when I can’t cope with the emotions at sea level I get as far away from possible from everything. The best feeling is knowing you all are in my pocket at all times.