PTSD to Schizoid
Posted: July 2nd, 2013, 9:23 pm
I was diagnosed with PTSD after participating in the invasion of Iraq during Operation Iraqi Freedom in 2003. It lasted about two years and I mostly handled my symptoms myself without therapy, except in the very beginning, and no medication. As a child I was very aggressive and got into physical fights frequently, but by the time I felt that my PTSD symptoms were clearing up I was a self-declared pacifist in the US Army. I have since become very mellow, even scared to engage people in any way that might be argumentative. I often catch myself frowning and generally grey feeling, though I do sometimes laugh and I try to seek out things I enjoy. For instance, I love going to the beach and swimming, but then when I am there inside I am asking myself "What am I doing here?".
So I am thinking that since I did not get professional treatment for PTSD I have become schizophrenic. Once when I tried to describe this to a medical doctor I was told that these types of changes in "feelings" just happen with age and that the PTSD was probably a good thing since it made me less aggressive. But I am not just less aggressive, I'm pretty much docile, grey, and unfeeling. I want to enjoy the world but I feel like I can't any more than I do now.
So I am thinking that since I did not get professional treatment for PTSD I have become schizophrenic. Once when I tried to describe this to a medical doctor I was told that these types of changes in "feelings" just happen with age and that the PTSD was probably a good thing since it made me less aggressive. But I am not just less aggressive, I'm pretty much docile, grey, and unfeeling. I want to enjoy the world but I feel like I can't any more than I do now.