the fear is back again

[woo]

I was kidnapped in my early twenties and blah blah blah,, I'm sure you can imagine the rest. I've been in therapy and gotten past the whole re-living that story, but now, I just can't seem to get past the fear. I'm always looking over my shoulder and always imagining insane scenarios where I will either have to fight or die. It has its ups and downs but it always seems to resurface, and is usually triggered by me hearing about child sex abuse. It is fucking EVERYWHERE lately.. I was never abused as a child but I seem to be obsessed with the thought of children being sexually abused. Let me explain as there is no right way to say that sentence. I am absolutely disgusted by the fact that there seems to be so much child sex abuse and human trafficking in the world. I read articles about it in the paper and hear surveys about it on the show and I immediately put myself in that childs shoes. As an adult I was terrified when this happened to me but I cannot even begin to fathom how a child could even comprehend this kind of abuse. I think of my son and what would happen if he were to ever be abducted and the sheer terror of not having me there to protect him. How in the fuck can this stuff really be happening? How could anyone hurt a child? I never knew the world was this evil. I never knew that people had the capacity to be this evil. I try to avoid the news alltogether these days but its barely possible. I was searching for a hotel for a trip with some friends recently and it brought up a CNN news story about child trafficking in the results, just from the word HOTEL! How the hell do you avoid triggers when it seems like they never fucking stop popping up out of nowhere. I know what to do.. keep going to therapy and avoid triggers but seriously...SERIOUSLY...I would give my life, right now, to protect all of these children. I would sell my soul to take their pain away. I can't stand it. I live in constant fear. Not just for me, but for my baby boy. He is my life and my love and I don't know how to let him grow up in this fucked up world in a way that my fear wont smother him. I'm seriously scared all the time. About everything.

[manuel_moe_g]

I am in EMDR therapy. Some use EMDR for PTSD. Please take care, we here all are cheering for you and your greatest today and tomorrow!

[Cinnamon]

What an awful burden you must deal with and what an awful story.
Of course you are traumatized - are you seeing someone about your PTSD? Is there a support group near you that deals just with that? I think most any of us project our fears on our kids, and fear our inadequecy to always be there and prevent all bad things and the truth is you know, already that you cannot always protect the ones you love. How much harder with a past such as yours.

I wonder how people parent after being in a war or other trauma? there must be resources out there of parents with PTSD

I am sorry you have to go thru this but yes, you can't go on like this without burning yourself out. Rather than offer inept advice I send good wishes and the hope that you find resources to help.