YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Wow. What an interesting topic, LIving with an ill loved one. While I think of my adult life, I think it's better to think back to my childhood. My mom was an alcoholic, and my dad.... was my dad. My parents split when I was about 5 or so, and growing up with my dad was not easy. He couldn't hold a job, couldn't keep a roof over our heads, and was terrible with money. In hindsight, he did not have the tools it took to be a good parent. Conversely, we went on trips, and did so much together. We never got along much as I grew up, and I'm sure a lot of it was resentment for things I went through when I was younger.

OK. This is just turning into an unproductive ramble, but maybe it's an opportunity to let people know that if you look back to your childhood, you can learn some very interesting things about your adult behavior.

I have been aware of my husband's depression for so long that it's hard to remember when I didn't know about it. I've certainly known about it as long as we have lived together, but it did take a few years for the depth of it to hit me.

It's hard. I am sympathetic, having been through postpartum depression, and then anxiety and panic disorder. But it's very hard not to get dragged down by it all.

I do remember a moment of truth when I realized that I would be dealing with his depression for the rest of my life. I love him so much that I would rather have the bad times with him than the good times with someone else. But that was a hard day, realizing that there was no "cure." And things really are better than they were 10 years ago, 15 years ago... sometimes you have to check to odometer to realize how far you've come.

He's done a lot of hard work in therapy, and he takes meds, but we've also figured out the simple things make such a big difference - regular exercise, eating well, taking time out for yourself, spending time together. Common sense stuff, but not always common practice. And he has been so amazing whenever I have one of my meltdowns - my anxiety doesn't sneak up on me slowly, it roars in like a train and can be so scary. But he peels me off the ceiling and tells me just to "keep a-going."

Bigtime,
I agree that our childhood experiences do to some degree control how we live our life. However
there comes a point when you have to let all that go and say I'm in charge what direction my life to
going to go from now on.