Some freestyle poetry about my suicidal ideations

[Lovelyfires]

I write when I'm at my lowest as at outlet that prevents me from acting on my thoughts or self-harming too much. I've never shared anything. I was at the lowest place I've been at in years a few weeks ago and this is what came out of it.

My light has left me and the clouds that remain contain no sliver of silver linings.
I'm trying to paint, to re-create them on my own but I've never been much of an artist.
When I am left alone I scare myself.
The haunting thoughts that used to hang like old cobwebs,
a mere nuissance easilu brushed away,
have now become an intricate web from which I can find no escape.
The constriction is getting tighter and a new light growing brighter....
This has turned me into nothing but wasted potential,
I deserve the greatest, sometimes I can believe it but can't achieve it.
The best in me died before the rest of me,
and now these demons are more than just one small part of me.
There is no mind over matter when the matter is my mind,
I can't change it, I hate it, it has consumed me,
and there's only one way to make it end for all eternity....


Don't judge the quality - I am not a creative person. I speak in metaphors quite frequently. As a reference, I call my suicidal ideations cobwebs when they are under control. Or I will also refer to them as my demons. The "New light" I speak of refers to that phenomenon of heading towards the light when dying. Maybe someone will relate to this on some level, I don't know.

[Stan]

love it thanks for sharing