YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Hello

I am so sad today , I want to die, it hurts so much I want to die .......not because i miss him, but because he is such a jerk and I brought him to my two children and in 7 years of marriage all he did was make our lives very difficult !!

As a mom all I have ever wanted was to provide for my 2 older children emotionally and financially. This man has been so unsupportive in every aspect, we have twins boys together, with ADHD & he never wants to help with that. I read books and observe them and seek out therapist and psyciatrist and he just sits on the couch and watches TV. I am so happy he is gone.

But last night I was thinking that I have never told him about myself, my true self.... & I wonder if that would have made a difference in our marriage. But he is so uninvolved and detached from reality that I dont think he could even process anything and how deep or hurtful my life has been to me. So that breaks my heart and I just want cry till i cant cry anymore.

I am so glad you are using this forum as a resource, lovetohelp74

Please take care. I wish I could say something helpful. You deserve better.

We here in the forum all wish you the greatest today and tomorrow!

thank you so much for acknowledge me and your words !

I know this thread is from a few months ago, but I can't help but respond...

I'm in the same situation you're in. Or were in (still trying to get out). And I had the same thought as you: "Maybe I'm not being open and honest enough about myself and that's why the relationship is failing."

So I did just that. I opened myself up and was honest about everything that I am/was. It didn't help. All it did was give him more ammunition to hurt me with.

I don't know him or you, but I've got a pretty good feeling that you being somewhat closed off wasn't the problem in the relationship. Be grateful you were able to protect at least a part of yourself from him.

I realize its been years since this thread was started but I really identify with the original poster.

I too spent many hours and tears wondering if I had opened up more, shared my thoughts more, been less involved with the kids, that things would have been different between us. But the truth of the matter was that he would have had to listen and respect what i had already put out there. He didn't. His dismissal of me, my thoughts, and needs was there all the time no matter how much I would have shared with him. Now I have to deal with sharing custody with him and he's become outright verbally abusive. I know people can change if they want to, but they have to see what they are doing is wrong in the first place and want to be something else. My ex still believes that I'm worthless and nothing I can do will ever change that and it's NOT MY FAULT.

So if you are reading this please please please take to heart: learn from your past but don't blame yourself for other's behavior. You never controlled them. They had choices too.

<hugs>