Anyone else have trouble with idea that they will be bipolar... like... forever?
Maybe I struggle with this so much because I was diagnosed first with a personality disorder, which I understood as something that could (and did, in my case) go away with enough therapy. In fact, I was only diagnosed with bipolar because I came off the Lithium that my BPD was being treated with, under the understanding that I didn't need medications to manage BPD anyways. When I promptly became dangerously manic and mixed, I was then diagnosed with bipolar type I.
I'm not borderline anymore, I don't think, but I'll be bipolar forever, and some days that really gets me down.
I was diagnosed with PTSD before I was diagnosed with borderline (it's been a journey) and that was the same thing. I understood that, with enough therapy, my symptoms would get better and eventually go away. Which they have.
Bipolar is not curable in the same way that other disorders have been for me... And I hate it.
I'm 21, and how young I am compounds how shitty I feel about having to live with bipolar for the rest of my life. I'm terrified of the Lithium or Geodon I take ruining my kidneys, so I'm constantly drinking water. I eat fairly healthy, I work out, I go to bed on time, and I don't drink alcohol hardly at all. I do all this "right" stuff, and I'm still just as bipolar as I would be if I was binge drinking and going out until 4am. The chances of a breakdown are just smaller, which I guess is the whole point. I just hate that I can't make the chances of a breakdown go away entirely. I can't "control" bipolar, I guess, which is what ultimately bothers me the most.
My diagnosis is really new, too (end of August, and this is December). Does this general angsting get better with time? Will I feel better the longer I'm stable? I've only been stable for like, two months. And has anyone had any serious health consequences from their bipolar meds? Does this post even make any sense?
Coping with permanence
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floradrenaline
- Posts: 41
- Joined: December 13th, 2015, 8:54 am
- Gender: Female
- Issues: Bipolar II and generalized anxiety disorder, chronic suicidal ideation.
- preferred pronoun: she/her
- Location: Alaska
Coping with permanence
"My bones aren't dirt and even if they were, I'd rather make peace with the insects inside me than let you take a shovel to my spine and dig out all of who I am." - Unknown ///// mental health blog: http://www.lithiumandlace.com/
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meh
- Posts: 225
- Joined: July 10th, 2012, 6:47 am
- Gender: male
- Issues: Bipolar, depression, general all around ick
- preferred pronoun: That
Re: Coping with permanence
Some mornings when I look in the mirror I think 'oh yeah, I'm bipolar.' Sometimes it's 'shit, I'm still bipolar.'
Yes it sucks but you can't let it have power over you. You are not defined by it. It's something you have, like the color of your eyes. You're doing everything right - you're obviously getting treated for the disease, you're getting a good night sleep and not drinking too much. Keep it up and it will get better.
Good luck and feel free to message me to vent. I felt the same five years ago when I was first diagnosed.
Yes it sucks but you can't let it have power over you. You are not defined by it. It's something you have, like the color of your eyes. You're doing everything right - you're obviously getting treated for the disease, you're getting a good night sleep and not drinking too much. Keep it up and it will get better.
Good luck and feel free to message me to vent. I felt the same five years ago when I was first diagnosed.
"Of course you have an active inner life, you're bipolar"
my therapist.
my therapist.