Is Bipolar/medication causing our relationship problems?
Posted: April 22nd, 2016, 4:37 pm
I recently re-entered a long-distance relationship with the love of my life. Let's call him Sean. We met in school ten years ago, and I have loved him ever since. We were just friends during our time living in the same state, as I was too afraid to confess my true feelings to him. Two years after he moved, we reconnected online, and began a LDR that would last about a year. We started talking regularly again about six months ago, and we were soon just as close as we'd been before, and it was like nothing had changed, at first. We decided to resume our relationship two months ago after he made the decision to begin the process of moving back out here, so we can give this a real shot (he's shooting for October). In the years that have gone by since we were together last, we've both been through some major shit. He had struggled with depression all of his life, and when he was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis, he found out he couldn't join the military (which was always his ambition), and he pretty much gave up all hope. He began using heroin for a few years (he's been clean for a year and a half, but still struggles with alcohol), and was diagnosed as type 2 bipolar around that time. I've also always struggled with depression, and I developed extreme anxiety problems shortly after he and I stopped talking, and about six months later, my best friend killed himself, which messed me up pretty bad. Sean and I understand each other in a lot of ways that other people just aren't able to, but recently we've started having some problems that have never surfaced before. He doesn't feel like talking as often as we used to, and when he does choose to talk to me, he is no where near as affectionate or happy to talk to me as he used to be, and yet when I ask him if his feelings towards me have changed, he gets offended because he thinks I don't trust him. He keeps telling me not to worry, but worrying is what I'm best at. These problems all began right after he started taking two new medications after a recent suicide attempt. I'm used to depressed Sean; I know what he needs support-wise during those times, and I can be patient and accommodating because I understand what he's going through... But this is a side of Sean that I have never seen before. He's not suicidal anymore, so that's definitely a good thing, but he's also apathetic, neutral, and disinterested about nearly everything in his life, other than his job. I try my best to be constantly reassuring and loving towards him, but recently he's almost completely unresponsive to anything I try. He doesn't want to talk on the phone very often anymore, just a few sporadic texts throughout the day. Is this purely from the medication? Is he still just acclimating? Is this because of his bipolar disorder? I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing because on one hand, I love him and I want to be with him for better or for worse, but on the other hand, my heart is breaking, and every day it gets harder and harder for me to cope with the anxiety and the doubt, and the soul-crushing sadness that this situation has brought me. He's coming to visit in August, and I really hope that in person, things will be different. But what if they aren't? Will he ever go back to normal? What can I do to be loving and encouraging towards him at this time? Should I be prioritizing my own mental health, or his? I desperately want to understand what he is going through, but he won't talk to me about it, so I have no where else to turn.