YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

A friend posted this on Facebook http://beyouonlybetter.com/?p=7374

I hate this stuff. If happiness was a choice, I'd be happily depression free.

Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

I can't even read that article right now. I feel like it'll be a giant pile of, "Oh, you don't think I fucking know that?" Gee, if only depressive read internet articles, then we could all be cured by amateur writing!

I hate false platitudes on happiness as a personal health decision; they are always false if they don't acknowledge the existence of mental illness and those who are mentally ill. Period.

... Saying this while I have some friends who definitely believe in the "happiness is a choice" platitude; but to be honest, it's better coming from a face-to-face human than from Facebook. Ever.

I actually like this person - she means well. But she's mired in all this self-improvement / motivational / phony spirituality crap. I don't call her on it, no reason to. I just ignore it.

This reminds me of when one of my high school teachers said that I should read 'The Seven Secrets to Happiness' to learn how to be happy. Instead of addressing the problem sometimes people just refer you on to some 'project' of self improvement, like it's your fault for not having done so before... Sure, it's a choice for some, but it's necessary to notice the real difference...

Meh, I sooo understand your frustration! My sister, who has lived the last 15 years of her life in co dependent relationships, drug addiction and financial irresponsibility, had recently had an "awakening". (This caused her to dump her bf--a good thing-- move out, get a job, and smoke less pot--all good things). Now, all she talks about are the "negative stories" I'm telling myself, and how I need to reframe my thinking, and how she changed her own life by changing her "negative thoughts". The other day she asked me what my "hopes and dreams were. Because if I just believe hard enough and work hard enough they will come true". I wanted to vomit. It was like she was channeling some overly optimistic Disney princess. She wouldn't drop the subject, so, to get her to lay off I said, "to have a job that allows me to pay my bills AND buy food." She was quiet, then she said, "well, what's your dream job? Because if I can help you achieve it, I will." Apparently a job that allows me to support myself wasn't good enough? I'm not stupid enough to think ill ever enjoy my job. It's hard when I hear stuff like "change your thinking". My brothers big on positive thinking and I just find it exhausting. The unfortunate thing is that some small part of me believes that shit. Like, I hear/see it, and this tiny voice says, "see! If you just TRIED harder, and WORKED more, you wouldn't have this problem! What kind of horrible, worthless, lazy, pathetic, excuse for a human are you! You just aren't TRYING hard enough! If you tried harder, you wouldn't have these thoughts!" Stuff like that also implies you are weak for not "conquering the negative" and grasping happiness. I would challenge any of the "happiness is a choice" people to live a day with persistent suicidal ideation and see if they can "choose" happiness while fighting their own brain to stay alive.

Ok...rant over.

Ok. I actually feel bad for my last post. It was so negative. Guess this subject really hits close to home. Even as I'm trying to retract my previous ire I still want to talk about it. I mean...like a week after I got out of the hospital a friend sent me "the secrect" . It is a sort of "negative thinking/perceptions attracts negative to you, while positive thinking/perceptions attracts positive to you." I tried to watch the whole thing. Really I did. Mainly cause I promised her I would. But I only made it 15 minutes in. I was so...angry after that brief 15 mins. When I'm not going through a depressive episode, I really am an encouraging, optimistic kind of person. A "life will and dose get better" kind of gal. And that stupid movie stripped me raw. So the years where I've been positive are canceled out by this brief episode of negative? It was just one more voice saying ,"this is your fault, you caused this,". I know that taking responsibility is important. And I've lived my life doing everything in my power to accept blame and live with the consequences of my poor choices. I try to not run from them, but treat them as a painful learning experience. I am more than willing to admit I'm in the wrong and accept consequences. I know I'm flawed and largely broken. So having someone suggest that I'm "attracting" and "causing" negative events in my life because I don't "believe in the positive" and "send positive vibes out to the universe" is ridicilously painful and insulting. What about when I was 3 and developed renal reflux(which, 25 years later has now caused my kidneys to fail). Was I not "exhuding" enough positive vibes then? Is that what allowed the bacteria into my system to screw things up? I had no control over that. By god, I wish I had. Things could've been so different if I could've kept that bacteria away! It just seems that so much of this philosophy doesn't account for the chaos, uncontrollable events and general unpredictability of life...I am just tired of being told I'm not doing enough or trying hard enough. Isn't it alright to just be tired? To say, "I'm going to rest here for a while" and not have friends and family question why you are siting down? And why you aren't out working a 2nd job yet? Gah...look at me. Ranting again and painting a sob story again. I feel like that's all I do on here. Geesh. Sorry for being such a downer. I think I might need to lay off this thread for a while...

They wouldn't say 'you need to try harder' to someone with Stage IV lung cancer? Or maybe they would actually....

I just hate those people. Fuck them and their kittie posters.

A lot of things on the list are irrelevant in the midst of depression. Some could be helpful, like trying to be polite to yourself, but it is phrased.. condescendingly.

His thoughts on how we have NO choice in what we think about blew my mind. We are unlucky. Listen for at least 10 minutes.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRYDaFeb1dE&t=4m0s

I'm posting this link NOT for religious reasons, but because of his view on free will.

My apologies to anyone who might get offended by his talk.

I wonder if Paul can get Sam Harris as a guest on the podcast.