Meds scare me, need advice

[doomedpony]

Hi,

I'm an alcoholic pothead bipolar.

My therapist wants me to see a pyschiatrist because she believes the meds will help me.

Honestly big pharma and their chemicals scare me. I prefer to live in the woods in my lunacy than muffle my genius and be another sheep in the herd, even if I am suffering tremendously.

I don't understand how I can live a life of sobriety if I am taking a cocktail of freaky things that I believe are a crap shoot. She already told me the whole diabetic analogy, but it still sounds like hypocrisy to me. I know I am biased but I don't know any different. I guess I am an all or nothing person. Either I do ALL THE DRUGS or I do NO DRUGS. I am very sad and scared and just feel royally fucked. I have been sober for one week.

Can ya'll please tell me if you are on meds and how they make you feel? Is anyone doing okay with out medication? Is anyone else a reckless substance abuser? What the fuck do I do now? Please tell me it gets better. I am swirling uncontrollably through the deep, dark depths of despair.

[Cinnamon]

I am not a therapist or a psychologist but I saw a few things in your post to comment on
I am not saying YOU should be on meds but don't confuse the drinking with meds - it is not the same
first - drinking is not the same as psychotropic drug tho it is very common to self medicate with one instead of the other.
The way your body responds, the lengthy of time, the regularity of the response, etc.
Lets put it this way - meds up your executive function - you focus, you sleep better, you have a general sense of improved well being and it doesn't impact your job, your driving, your ability to care for kids, dogs, another human you care about.
But drinking and driving? don't even think of it - that would be incredibly selfish, illegal, etc.
Second - the constancy of the meds in your system are not the same as the crash binge bust of drinking...having grown up around some people who did. Even IF the drinking and the meds have the same impact on you when you are drunk and when medicated - the on off cycle of drinking is tough on your whole body - liver, kidneys, blood sugar. Its a self medication that makes you worse.
Third, I bet you were not your best self to others on drinking, right. Meds may not improve that or alter that but you just don't hear it the same...sorry I told you off, I am on anti depressants?
Fourth, you are engaging in a bit of romanticizing the so called creative genius who will lose their specialness if on meds
true, there is some link between some mental illness and creativity but not as strong as you think AND that doesn't correlate to all people who should be on meds but aren't' being some wild but creative free spirit genius. Some are just depressed. some are just posers. Some are creative but unable to complete a thing, some are hiding behind their sense of distinctiveness from the fear of ordinariness and some are just jerks. Listen to some podcasts or read interviews with some who did take meds and produced art. More say if you have talent, it improves with meds.

[doomedpony]

Thank you so much for your response.
I hadn't thought of all the things you mention and you make very good points, which I will now honestly consider.