Medical Shyness and Co-morbid Physical Ailments

[savneetkaur]

Thanks you guys.

[oak]

Any updates since your last post, Beany Boo?

[Beany Boo]

Improvements continue; the further I move away from incessant, oppressive pain the more freed I am to move and think.

[Beany Boo]

I've got flu at the moment so I don't really have my shit together. But in spite of that, after many months my body is becoming used to being - relatively - chronic pain free. The less it expects pain, the more I want to move my body. I feel less pressed to skim emotions; my reactions to stuff can take time, and take on a depth. They also don't require the same intensity since there's less of a register of pain they have to rise above.

It's funny; with the window that's opened up, it's not the 'good' emotions that feel the best; happiness, connection, goodwill. It's frustration, wariness and boredom, that are most satisfying. It's the emotions I wasn't allowed to show as a child (because I had to show I was fucking grateful every minute of every day for the shit they shoveled on me). Without frustration, happiness can get pretty relentless. With frustration happiness is sweet and periodic.

In sum, without the pain my emotions have more free reign and I get to experience how they behave if they're allowed to play out.

[oak]

Very interesting. Thanks for posting.