I hate my body and I want to destroy it

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Apatronymie
Posts: 4
Joined: July 13th, 2019, 5:50 am
Gender: female
Issues: Depression, anxiety, alcohol addiction, self-harm, self-loathing
preferred pronoun: she

I hate my body and I want to destroy it

Post by Apatronymie »

Hello, I have a question. Why do some coping mechanisms are considered good (exercising) and others bad (self-harming, alcohol). I mean, I exercise daily (running, stretching, working-out) and exercising HURTS. But everyone says it's good to exercise. I have several tattoos. They hurt when I had them done. But tattoos are now considered ok. I cut myself. It hurts (no more, no less than exercising) but that's considered bad. Why?
People say cutting can become addictive, that's why it's bad. But exercising is addictive too, so what's the difference? These are all different ways for me to hurt myself, feel pain, punish myself and my body (I hate myself and my body). So who can explain to me why exercising is good for you and cutting bad?

Many thanks in advance.
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snoringdog
Posts: 1450
Joined: April 23rd, 2019, 5:49 pm
Gender: male
Issues: anxiety, depression, automatic negative thoughts, intrusive thoughts, SAD.
preferred pronoun: "Good Boy!"
Location: USA

Re: I hate my body and I want to destroy it

Post by snoringdog »

Hello Apatronymie,

Maybe because cutting and self-harm are thought of as only destructive (at least from a purely physical point of view) whereas exercise, if done properly is constructive and can be thought of as an extension of normal human activity. (Think of Physical Rehab - exercises that are meant to help a person regain lost or impaired physical function).

You list a few things that obviously should be explored -

"....hurt myself, feel pain, punish myself and my body (I hate myself and my body)...

"Hurt myself" - Why do you want to do that? Do you exercise merely to hurt yourself? Exercise helps me and makes me feel better about myself. But not for you, at all?

"Feel pain" - This is understandable if you're numb from depression, etc. Need to feel anything besides numbness...

"Punish myself" - Why do you think you deserve punishment?

"I hate myself and my body" - You're certainly not alone in this, but do you know why this is so? How long have you been suffering with these burdens?

I hope you can find some peace.

Regards

Snoringdog
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