YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Even though we find out on this forum we are not alone in our thoughts and feelings, it certainly doesn't seem farther from the truth when someone is teased, picked on, bullied, laughed at, nit-picked about and all the other ways people are made to feel bad about their physical traits and/or appearances. I thought it might be interesting or helpful to share any of those experiences we have had with each other to see how wrong we are.

Growing up being and continuing into adulthood being fat, I have certainly experienced more than my fair share of humiliating moments because of it. In 6th grade I remember, during the fat kid's least favorite class, in gym class being divided into groups...and be mindful I am old enough that my class is co-ed...to practice gymnastic moves. And I of course suck at gymnastics. I was put in a group with other boys and I remember them calling me a "fucking, fat pig" over and over because I couldn't do a cartwheel.

Anyone else up for sharing some of theirs?!

Sure.. here goes...

I don't mind sharing here that my last name is the name of a very famous pig. As a chubby kid who grew into a fat adult, that was the eternal well for bullies. Middle school was the worst. There was a small group of boys who got most of our class to call me Fatty McFatpants. Not terribly original, but catchy as hell. It got to a point where I would actually respond to Fatty because there were kids who genuinely didn't know my name. I used to skip gym and lunch to hide in the bathrooms, to this day I have issues with people seeing me eat (it's actually on my Fear List). I remember one kid telling everyone that he couldn't invite me to his birthday party because he was afraid I wouldn't share the cake.

People like to write those things off as "kids can be cruel" but it doesn't stop once we reach adulthood. I was 25 years old and had a guy moo at me in a restaurant. And my last ex, after a year together and plenty of time to understand how much my insecurity about my weight effects me told me as we were breaking up that he never introduced me to his friends because I was embarrassing and that he never actually loved me because it was emasculating to be with a woman who is so much bigger than he is. All of this, just weeks after helping me celebrate hitting the 80 pound mark on my weight loss.

Thank you for starting this. So many people go through such similar things when it comes to bullying, but the thing about bullying is that it makes you feel profoundly alone.

Never being able to shift/support my body weight has always brought me shame. We had fitness tests in elementary and I would always get the "participaction" slip rather than any metal awarded just because I was unable to do pushups or pullups. Gym class in general always made me feel horrible but that lack of accomplishment in front of the entire school (I realize that no one gave a shit how I did or even who I was but that thought was still there.) was just terrible.

I also avoided things in the playground because of this issue like: climbing, monkey bars, poles, hand crank zip lines, basically anything that used my hands and arms out of fear of "not succeeding".

In 5th grade I remember there was a big news story about a possible UFO sighting. While getting into our winter gear to go out to recess in the cloak room, the class juvenile dilinquent Craig started talking about the UFO sighting...but this time UFO stood for "Unidentified Fat Object" aka me and proceeded to gather a group of boys to surround me and check out the UFO and how funny that was.

I inherited my mom's legs. My dad is over 6' and could eat Oatmeal Cream Pies for breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day and not ever gain a pound....but God gave me my mom's lower half. Big ol butt, huge thighs, and these gross pockets of fat right next to my knees. I have always been so self conscious of my legs my whole life. I can't remember the last time I owned a pair of shorts. I was in J Crew the other day and a pair of 10s fit me (I have lost some weight so was pretty excited my ass fit in the 10) but my legs looked so FAT that I took the shorts off as soon as I could and did the walk of shame to the dressing room attendant who asked me if they fit and I sort of mumbled, "Yeah, but I just can't wear shorts" and ran out of the store.

When I was in 6th or 7th grade one of my friends told me that all the girl basketball players were talking about me and saying I didn't any knees. I guess you couldn't see the knee like on skinny girls because of the fat that hung over the kneecap.

I feel like anyone who sees me with clothes on and then sees me in a bathing suit or a dress can't stop staring at my ugly fat legs. I feel like they are confused because they didn't expect my legs to be so gross. The rest of me is pretty great in fact.

Freakin stupid legs. I looked into lipo but apparently lipo on legs isn't recommended due to some huge artery that runs through your legs and is evidently really important.

I was young and stupid (still am to be honest).
Sent a pic of my dick to a girl when she asked. She proceeded to text back "lol".

Yup.

I've broken a lot of chairs.


Last week I was walking with my friends and we came upon an obstacle course, one of them was a pole you had to climb and ring the bell at the top. All 3 of them nearly made it, but I couldn't even lift myself up more than one pull. It was embarassing having one of my deepest insecurities on display like that. I definitely felt weak, but at least I made the attempt.

I have my mom's shape... on the rounder, softer side and short so it doesn't carry well. Besides my mom always commenting things like, "people like you and I need big hair to hide our big butts", there was this one time... Wasn't THAT big of a deal, but it definitely sucked.

Was going to a concert and somehow lost the tickets in the hotel room, think they got thrown out by housekeeping by accident, and so my mom had to call with her info to get our new tickets held at the door. So I could pick them up she described me as "the short, curly hair girl who is well endowed". Thanks mom, for pointing out my boobs to a complete stranger(s) :/

From my perspective, this is one thing that gets better with age. Especially if you have kids, what an amazing thing it is to create life, and watch them be at home in their body. and as you age and friends die or get MLS or battle cancer....
well, I guess I am saying be at home in your body to the extent that you can.
It bothers other people because they are afraid of it, it represents a "loss of control" over ones self to seem to not control one's own appetite. Hell, we all are afraid of losing control over our appetites and self be it sex, food, humor, etc and know what? we don't really have that much anyways....genetics, metabolism, etc. or life, or self.

I used to always be ashamed of my body, my appetite - for a small woman I can eat a lot and people would comment either way - if I was pudgy about what I ate, when I was skinny - (and depressed going thru a divorce) - oh your just anorexic...you are so obsessed about being skinny...no I was depressed.
shrug it off and shimmy in your skin.

If you never had control of your body what then?