Walking away with no plans

[Livian82]

Totally in the same boat ether, you're not alone. I think leaving people behind always seems a more palatable option to just out and out killing yourself. Definitely would take a lot less effort. I used to walk to my old job that was near the airport and fantasize about going straight there and hopping a plane east without telling anyone. Still have the same thought now even though I've changed jobs and have my own home and things are supposedly better than they were then. There are times I even resent the people who keep me here, knowing that if I were truly alone I could leave any time I wanted.

Your ex's boyfriend sounds like a pathological douche anyway, you know you're a good father I wouldn't let him dictate how you feel about yourself as a parent.

[ether667]

Simon - You nailed it! My hole is huge! (haha... not that hole ) Therapy lately has been like oil changes for a car. My psyche gets all this garbage that builds up and no matter how strongly I know how I should be living and seeing my life, I need that extra person to look at me and tell me, remind me, where I'm at and help to keep me on my course.

Livian82 - Thank you! I can never hear it enough that someone else confirms that this guy is horrible and I should take what he says with a grain of salt. I feel like at times something in me magnifies the negativity to exponential degrees, and it throws me off, having me question whether or not I'm doing the right thing.

It's sad to hear you feel the same way and have that same fantasy, getting on a plane and leaving randomly in this case. What struck me is that you feel a certain person or people are holding you down, trapping you here, and that's how my girlfriend feels at times with me. She wants to just abandon everything/everyone (including her son she loves to death) and move to Florida where she'd maybe visit him in the summers and winters.

[ghostmouse]

I've had this thought for a long time too. It often comes up for me as an alternative to suicide. The idea has become somewhat less appealing to me over the past year, watching one of my teachers from grade school in a frustrating, devastating search for her daughter who basically did exactly this (although as far as we can currently tell, her daughter had a psychotic break -- somewhat different situation).