YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Does anyone else ever struggle with feelings guilt that they have no legitimate reason to feel? I'm not entirely comfortable going into detail here, because there's a certain amount of (equally pointless) shame involved, but in a nutshell, something from three years ago still haunts me. Not constantly. Not necessarily even very often. It just kind of pops into my head from time to time and brings a shitload of confusion with it.

Intellectually, I know I didn't do anything morally wrong during the incident in question. But I stepped outside my comfort zone in such a way that the more emotional, less rational part of my brain kind of thinks I did. It's mistaken, of course, but it refuses to concede defeat.

As I reread this, I suspect I'm going to have to share more details. Still not entirely comfortable with it (even though the rational part of my brain totally knows it's not a big deal and I have nothing to be ashamed of), but let's see where the discussion goes.

Hi
Just to clarify: you did something that was not morally wrong, but you still feel guilt and shame when you think about it... Did your action harm anyone? Were there unintended consequences? When you stepped out of your comfort zone, were you being untrue to yourself? Or untrue to values learned in childhood that your mind doesn't agree with anymore?

Our subconscious talks to us through our feelings, trying to bring to the surface issues we need to deal with, IMO.

As for me, I am just discovering that my illogical feelings of guilt and shame have sometimes come from the values I learned from my parents, those old values that I used to harshly judge other people! For example, when my home is dirty I feel shame and disgust with myself because my mom used to harshly criticize others for this. In my head I know that I'm not doing anything morally wrong, but it feels like it because of my early training...hope this helps!

I too am haunted by pointless guilt it feeds anxiety which gets me rolling on a lot of other destructive behavior. Here's the thing with pointless guilt we know it's pointless but when you're in the throws of It The guilt doesn't seem pointless at all. The Feeling is as present as let's say the taste of food or the sensation of touch. I have yet to find a way of fixing that. I usually ride it out and only after realize: "Wow that was a waste, you just wasted all that time." Which sends me into all sorts of other bull$%^&

If I charged guilt rent I would be writing this from my yacht.

A certain amount of guilt is the sign of a healthy conscience, but persistent or intense guilt -in my opinion- should either involve an apology or some type of amends or just acceptance of our imperfection and chalked up to a lesson learned.

Have you ever tried forgiving yourself? If we forgave ourselves as easily as we forgave others we would probably smile a lot more.

Paul

I know this was posted a while ago, but I'm just browsing the forum and stumbled across it . All I could think was," YES!" It was like I was screaming yes in my head, because there are other people out there who feel like this. I'm told that I am really hard on myself, as a result, I feel guilty about a lot of things that don't really matter. I'll get flashes of events from years ago, and feel humiliated and embarrassed and guilty all over again. Stupid , stupid stuff , like mispronouncing a word, or that time in college I lied to a friend and said I had a migrane because I didn't want to hang out. There are many more from my past, but I think current guilt is almost worse. I feel guilty/worry I'm not giving my cats a good life. I feed them, play with them, and spend at least 4 or more hours a day hanging out with them,( more if you count that they sleep with me at night) but I still feel like I don't do enough for them. What. Crazy thing to feel guilty about! I'm currently living with my brother and his fiancée, and I constantly have to stave off worry/anxiety/ guilt about nearly everything related to them. They have been nothing but kind and open, but I feel guilty if I hang out with them to much.(like I'm taking up their time and they don't want me around even though they have never demonstrated that). I feel horribly guilty if I don't do the dishes, even though nearly all of the dishes are there's. It's like I'm trying to make up for the inconvenience of my presence by doing the dishes. It's gotten so bad(the guilt/worry) that it is the first thing I do when I get off of work. Even if it takes me an hour or more to finish them, I have to do them or I feel like a horrible, worthless, pathetic burden. And that's dishes for christs sake! I feel guilty asking for help at work(with things like moving large equipment). There are even times I apologize to my therapist for getting emotional or "dumping" on her. I had a bad day at work and just kind of word vomited on my friend, and then looked at what I had written(it was text) and felt bad for being sharing so much and being negative. I apologized, of course. It seems I can't share how I feel without offering some kind of placating apology afterward. God, I've droned on long enough. But, this post made me feel a little more validated. It sucks to have so much of my mental space occupied by pointless guilt and worrying, but knowing other people feel this way makes me feel a little less neurotic, at least.

Feeling guilty for being alive is part of the Depression package, isn't it?

Feeling like a burden, being ashamed of one's perceived shortcomings.

Hmm, rather familiar to me...

Here's a weird one.

Going to the gym, and they have two sets of automatic doors (really should have installed revolving doors to save the heat and prevent drafts in the winter. Poor design choice, really),

It's unavoidable to walk past and trigger the first set that leads to another area of the facility.

I find my self thinking-

1. How stupid of them!, what a waste of energy in several ways! (doors opening and drafts into the building)
2. How can I swerve my path to avoid triggering these doors? (A little OCD maybe - Step on a Crack sort of thing....)
3. Shit! - they opened - I'm guilty of wasting energy.

Stupid? Yes, but that one small thing I wrestle with....



(I'm chuckling right now, but it's really a thing)

Perhaps the question, my friend, is: are you worth the energy spent?

Do you have the human value, the worth and dignity to be worthy of said expenditure?

The corollary question: are you making your gym experience worth the expense?

The question isn’t “is the situation wasteful and destructive?”; it is.

The question also isn’t “is this destructive thing happening in actuality?”; it is.

The question is, can you morally justify what you are doing?

Yes I am, Yes I do, Yes I am, Yes I can!

Just more annoying brain noise that I have to think about that "normal" people don't..