YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

Every time I go to my best friend's house, I daydream about having sex with her step dad, and I'm afraid they all know and I just can't take it and I'm ashamed and weirded out by my own thoughts, so I avoid him like the plague, and he'll be like Hey how are you? (like a nice normal person) And I'll laugh awkwardly and look down, walking away without answering or he'll say See you later and I'll be like WHAT oh WHAT yeah..bye, or god it's just so embarrassing. I'm so wound up. This time I went over there, I had to pee sooo bad but I would have to walk past him to get to the bathroom so I waited like an hour and a half until he went upstairs. It's fucking ridiculous I'm an idiot.
I guess I just need to ..not hang out at her house. I'm just so embarrassed.

I doubt they all know what you're thinking, and they probably just think you're shy or something! I'm bad at talking to my friends' parents for absolutely no reason. I bet lots of people are, too. I don't think you should be embarrassed or be so hard on yourself.

I hope so.. thank you

SubstancelessBlue,

I agree with Cheldoll. We ALL think about stuff like that. I think about that stuff every day. When I'm out in public I daydream about people all the time and I used to judge myself for it. Once I started accepting that part of myself, I can thank my brain for sharing it's images and try to focus on something else, or if I'm really unable to think of anything else, or don't want to, I will let it play out in my head. But we have no control over what stimulates us. That comes from the Universe. So if you want anyone to feel embarrassed tell the Universe it should be embarrassed.

BTW my brain sometimes isn't even satisfied with thinking about sex with a person, it goes to picturing them going to the bathroom and all that is involved there. What they look like at their worst, their most embarrassing, their least attractive. You name it.

I try to remember, our species has survived BECAUSE of our preoccupation with sex. The gene pool that wandered around with no drive or imagination died off a long time ago. The genes that are constantly fantasizing/imagining reproduce, build, conquer, expand and all the other stuff we have today.

Paul