I think I was molested (Trigger Warning)

[weirdbydefault]

I live with my parents and I blame myself for this happening because I still live with them in my late 20s and I intend to move out soon. But I feel like I accidentally participated in emotional or covert incest somehow, because my parents don't get along and my sister moved out and spent almost no time at home with them due to their arguing, which I think was a wise decision. I couldn't leave and have always felt bad about them possibly feeling lonely, so I've always felt like I needed to provide them with extra attention, hugging them and telling them I love them nearly everyday, which is more of a guilt-driven compulsion than a meaningful act I'm ashamed to say.

Anyway. Things have definitely gone too far now. Since I was about fourteen I have felt an inexplicable discomfort about being around my dad for very long. I don't remember him doing or saying anything out of line prior to that, but in the past year he has complimented my appearance a lot which made me uncomfortable, and he has touched me inappropriately twice. The first incident my dad hugged me, stroked my waist and gave me a wet kiss around my jaw/cheek. It felt unusually intimate but I dismissed it as him being drunk and tired. The more recent incident though was worse. I went to give each of my parents a hug goodnight. I gave my dad a quick hug, but when I pulled away he pulled me back in and kissed me around my ear/cheek area with his tongue. I have no idea how to deal with this.

[manuel_moe_g]

https://www.rainn.org/ for sexual assault hotline

Please take care, don't blame yourself

[weirdbydefault]

Hey manuel moe, thank you for the link and for being so understanding. I don't check here a lot but I still always appreciate when people are caring. Wish you well!

[schittsonthefritz]

Weird by Default, I'm so so sorry that happened to you! That is extremely disturbing behavior by your dad and I think he sounds like a man who needs help. You were violated by a person who you love and that is such a terrible experience. I hope you aren't blaming yourself in any way and I hope you have found someone you trust to help you through that experience. Have you read Silently Seduced? Paul talks about it a lot. It could help you understand why you've always had a lingering feeling about your dad. I would also recommend Codependent No More as a book that can support you through feeling like you need to still be living with your parents and taking care of their emotional needs. That book is like the bible of self help for me and a lot of other people. I'm sending you kind thoughts and healing energy.