YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin

I have been abused on many counts. First when I was 14 in Disneyland, I was taken advantage of and all of the passers by ignored it. About a year or so after that, I started to date a guy who was abusive and took my virginity by force. When I mentioned the past incident at Disneyland, he called me a slut and said I deserved it. After that relationship, I made a new best friend who took advantage of and raped me on numerous accounts. And there were many other incidents between and since then that I don't quite want to delve into, some with men, some with women, some with family.
Anyways, I have always been very sexual in the sense that I get turned on often and feel the need to masturbate or get off. However, I always feel so depressed and guilty after masturbating. And as for sex, when it is willing, I kind of just lay there or get bored quickly. It never feels the way I want or expect it to feel. I've talked with my therapist about this and she just seemed shocked, and didn't seem to know what exactly to say. She mainly just advised that I try to get different friends or try to be around different people. Or she'll just say how much it sucks. And I know that already. I just don't know how to get over this. I now have general anxiety, depression, and ptsd.

I strongly encourage you to find a new therapist. A good one will be much more affirming and encouraging as well as offering much better solutions to your situation.

That being said, I offer you hugs and sympathy for your situation. I can't imagine how frustrating and painful that must be. My story and situation is not nearly similar to yours, but I do struggle with my own emotional issues surrounding sex.

For me it has taken a very sensitive and communicative partner to help heal whatever wounds I do have. Being completely honest with my feelings and listening to my heart mind and body has helped immensely. If I feel like shutting down during sex, I allow myself to physically remove myself from the sexual experience but afterwords my partner and I communicates impeccably and immensely about what's going on.

For me that is been the most healing and result providing solution to my particular issues.

It's a lot of hard work and it's definitely taken the right kind of support to see me through it.

I hope you can find healing. Lots of hugs.

I agree with brave-girl-living. You need a therapist capable of helping you with this.

And I encourage you to find a partner that is understanding. You deserve to have a normal sex life. And in time, with work you can.

In the mean time, don't get too frustrated with yourself. And I know that is easier said than done.