The ambiguity of symptoms is why I've questioned them.
I guess my solution, at present, is to find ways to cope that aren't self-destructive (LMAO, isn't THAT always the perpetual pursuit?!). I've yet to find something that provides the same level of intensity that what I currently do does.....the only thing that seems to dull the perpetual emotional voltage is to just stop eating. Of course, y'know, that whole "starving to death slowly" is the problem. When I get really upset I like to run until I can't walk, focus on an intense run with a goal of certain mileage in a certain time. When I'm done I'm usually too tired to think. But, I can't do that every time all day long.
Another tactic I've found for intense anger has been to walk away. I'm usually honest with the person I'm speaking to, or who is about to speak to me - I ask them to give me about 10 minutes to regroup my composure before I say something incredibly hurtful or disrespectful. I've yet to find someone who doesn't honor my request (this I learned when I was teaching, and the kids loved it...go figure, haha).
I'm not going to a counselor anytime soon. The fear is way too great at this moment. I'm hoping, one day, I can find a friend or really good doctor who will help me take the next step.
So what coping tactics do you guys have?
when you don't fit the textbook example of BPD?
-
fifthsonata
- Posts: 291
- Joined: April 30th, 2012, 6:45 am
Re: when you don't fit the textbook example of BPD?
DBT and skills therapy can sometimes come across as way too simple and maybe a bit insulting. Could it really be that these intense emotions that I suffer from so greatly, can be eliminated by breathing and meditating over the smell of a flower? No. But if you really try to push your "ego" aside and "lower yourself" to this ... yeah childplay, it will make feelings and thoughts bearable. But only through practice. And practice doesn't just mean that you go along with the exercises that your therapist presents to you but find out what works for you. Get to know yourself. Find out what works for you in times of great stress and pain. Realize that the way you have been dealing with this problem, hasn't exactly worked out for you. Realize that this won't be easy. Habits don't break easy. You will experience resistance. I still feel resistance even when I feel better. Because feeling okay and stable is something I never dealt with. It's new territory. It's scary. And it's so much easier to put this off as "stupid stuff, that I know already." But knowing won't help. You have to do. Build new habits. Get in touch with the shit you're trying to avoid with dysfunctional behavior and drama. Expose this Wizard of Oz.
You already made it to these forums. That's why I have faith in you guys. And if you're not ready for this yet, that's okay too. But I really think this therapy makes sense for people like us. Actually I think this should be tought in school. So give it another chance. Maybe with another therapist or another group, but try.
You already made it to these forums. That's why I have faith in you guys. And if you're not ready for this yet, that's okay too. But I really think this therapy makes sense for people like us. Actually I think this should be tought in school. So give it another chance. Maybe with another therapist or another group, but try.
Re: when you don't fit the textbook example of BPD?
I registered just because I couldn't keep my mouth shut on this BPD thread. I'm a health care provider with some mental health training in the clinical (inpatient) setting.
-I don't think BPD is an over diagnosed, catch all category. I believe it is UNDER-diagnosed, especially in men. "Paperwork" doesn't need the label of BPD to be processed or accepted by insurance carriers, or for any other reason.
-not all BPD people jump from one relationship to the next, boiling bunnies and slashing care tires if someone breaks up with them. I knew one middle aged man who had been diagnosed with BPD (and accepted the diagnosis) but had only been in two significant romantic relationships in his life. It's the character of your close relationships: frequent fighting, repeated breakups that never last long, turmoil.
-More importantly, NO borderline has ever seen themselves as a "typical" borderline, as is the case with the majority of narcissistic personality disordered individuals. (Recently I heard a man telling someone he met an hour earlier that he was a special narcissist because he also had low self esteem
)
-As per the above: BPD who are not frequent fliers on the local inpatient unit remain functional because they are very intelligent. Their intellect compensates for their inability to self regulate, form a stable self concept and see themselves objectively. The patient who makes it as far as a diagnosis, and who then does not discount it wholeheartedly, is a high functioning patient of above average intelligence. That would be most of the posters in this thread.
-the flip side of this intelligence is that it allows the person to delude themselves into thinking they are not like those freaks who really are borderline. And herein likes the crux of the matter. On one level the person knows they are ill and that they are not well equipped to form a satisfying life and/or stable, healthy relationships. And yet, when they are presented with the opportunity to learn some basic skills with which to help themselves, they deride them as simplistic and insulting.
-YES, the skills you learn in DBT ARE simple. They are simple because they are skills that are normally acquired during early and middle childhood. You did not learn these skills, most likely because you were not afforded role models who themselves possessed these skills and thus could rationally be expected to pass them on.
-The fact that you KNOW what to do does not make you any better off than someone who doesn't know. Also, you do not "choose" not to do the right thing: you don't have the skills to do it on a consistent basis. The proverbial crack whore knows she should not be smoking and selling her body, the obese person and the anorexic knows what they are doing is harmful to their bodies. Almost all of us know what we should do. The real challenge lies in setting aside or egos , stepping out of our "comfort" zone (however miserable it might be) and admitting that we know nothing and we need someone or something other than ourselves to teach us a new way. Unfortunately, very few of us who struggle with mental health issues are able to commit to that, and that goes triple for BPD or NPD persons.
-I dont know if it has been mentioned here before, but HIGHLY, HIGHLY RECOMMEND Understanding the Borderline Mother by Christine Ann Lawson. Amazon has it in kindle form, too. It's so validating to those of us who were raised by a BPD parent (of either gender). It also explains how there are at least four major types of BPD and thus may shed some light for those of you who think there is one classic form of BPD who displays all the symptoms listed in the DM4. I cannot recommend it highly enough.
I hoped I did not come off as too judgmental. My comment was meant to be helpful but I'm sure its infused with some latent anger. I was raised by a severe BPD mother and went on to marry and divorce a borderline of a different sort. I've since spent years (countless hours and thousands of dollars) on therapy, research, and the methodical and systematic weeding out of the borderline mechanisms I had picked up from the the two significant people in my life. I'm sure I am in no way finished and right now I view borderlines with a mixture of empathy, understanding, anger, and indifference.
-I don't think BPD is an over diagnosed, catch all category. I believe it is UNDER-diagnosed, especially in men. "Paperwork" doesn't need the label of BPD to be processed or accepted by insurance carriers, or for any other reason.
-not all BPD people jump from one relationship to the next, boiling bunnies and slashing care tires if someone breaks up with them. I knew one middle aged man who had been diagnosed with BPD (and accepted the diagnosis) but had only been in two significant romantic relationships in his life. It's the character of your close relationships: frequent fighting, repeated breakups that never last long, turmoil.
-More importantly, NO borderline has ever seen themselves as a "typical" borderline, as is the case with the majority of narcissistic personality disordered individuals. (Recently I heard a man telling someone he met an hour earlier that he was a special narcissist because he also had low self esteem
)-As per the above: BPD who are not frequent fliers on the local inpatient unit remain functional because they are very intelligent. Their intellect compensates for their inability to self regulate, form a stable self concept and see themselves objectively. The patient who makes it as far as a diagnosis, and who then does not discount it wholeheartedly, is a high functioning patient of above average intelligence. That would be most of the posters in this thread.
-the flip side of this intelligence is that it allows the person to delude themselves into thinking they are not like those freaks who really are borderline. And herein likes the crux of the matter. On one level the person knows they are ill and that they are not well equipped to form a satisfying life and/or stable, healthy relationships. And yet, when they are presented with the opportunity to learn some basic skills with which to help themselves, they deride them as simplistic and insulting.
-YES, the skills you learn in DBT ARE simple. They are simple because they are skills that are normally acquired during early and middle childhood. You did not learn these skills, most likely because you were not afforded role models who themselves possessed these skills and thus could rationally be expected to pass them on.
-The fact that you KNOW what to do does not make you any better off than someone who doesn't know. Also, you do not "choose" not to do the right thing: you don't have the skills to do it on a consistent basis. The proverbial crack whore knows she should not be smoking and selling her body, the obese person and the anorexic knows what they are doing is harmful to their bodies. Almost all of us know what we should do. The real challenge lies in setting aside or egos , stepping out of our "comfort" zone (however miserable it might be) and admitting that we know nothing and we need someone or something other than ourselves to teach us a new way. Unfortunately, very few of us who struggle with mental health issues are able to commit to that, and that goes triple for BPD or NPD persons.
-I dont know if it has been mentioned here before, but HIGHLY, HIGHLY RECOMMEND Understanding the Borderline Mother by Christine Ann Lawson. Amazon has it in kindle form, too. It's so validating to those of us who were raised by a BPD parent (of either gender). It also explains how there are at least four major types of BPD and thus may shed some light for those of you who think there is one classic form of BPD who displays all the symptoms listed in the DM4. I cannot recommend it highly enough.
I hoped I did not come off as too judgmental. My comment was meant to be helpful but I'm sure its infused with some latent anger. I was raised by a severe BPD mother and went on to marry and divorce a borderline of a different sort. I've since spent years (countless hours and thousands of dollars) on therapy, research, and the methodical and systematic weeding out of the borderline mechanisms I had picked up from the the two significant people in my life. I'm sure I am in no way finished and right now I view borderlines with a mixture of empathy, understanding, anger, and indifference.
Re: when you don't fit the textbook example of BPD?
I apologize for my use of the term "freak" above (not to mention the grammar and syntax - did not proof read). Let me make it clear that I meant it ironically.
Re: when you don't fit the textbook example of BPD?
Generic-
I'm glad you decided to post. A lot (if not all) of what you said makes sense and is really valuable. Thanks for your insight. It sounds like you have a wide span of education as well as experience when it comes to this matter. Not gonna lie- my emotions were all over the place when I read your post.
Up, down, back, forth.. haha. Everything you said was very informative and interesting. It's nice to hear an opinion from a professional in the in the medical/mental health field.
I actually came across the book you mentioned before, as I was searching Amazon for some books on BPD. It sounds like a book I'd be interested in, so I'll most definitely have to check it out!
Thanks again, Jamous
I'm glad you decided to post. A lot (if not all) of what you said makes sense and is really valuable. Thanks for your insight. It sounds like you have a wide span of education as well as experience when it comes to this matter. Not gonna lie- my emotions were all over the place when I read your post.
Up, down, back, forth.. haha. Everything you said was very informative and interesting. It's nice to hear an opinion from a professional in the in the medical/mental health field.I actually came across the book you mentioned before, as I was searching Amazon for some books on BPD. It sounds like a book I'd be interested in, so I'll most definitely have to check it out!
Thanks again, Jamous
Re: when you don't fit the textbook example of BPD?
Oops, I realized I made some errors. *in the*
My apologies
My apologies
-
fifthsonata
- Posts: 291
- Joined: April 30th, 2012, 6:45 am
Re: when you don't fit the textbook example of BPD?
I'm really not sure how to interpret that comment, Generic. I found some disrespectful comments, but, some generally helpful thoughts, so right now I'll leave it be. Just adding a note acknowledging your thoughts.
Re: when you don't fit the textbook example of BPD?
I'm sorry that you took my comments to be disrespectful. As I said earlier, I still have some latent anger toward BPD persons in general. I'm working on it.
As befits the child of a BPD parent, I spent a significant portion of my life I attracting (or being attracted to) BPD people: I've seen and heard many defense mechanisms that prevent full engagement with treatment... it's very, very frustrating to loved ones.
If nothing else I hope that you will consider the Understanding the Borderline Mother book. I'd recommend it to anyone who suspects they have BPD and/or were raised by a parent with BPD. I read it in one sitting and then re-read it a few times.
As befits the child of a BPD parent, I spent a significant portion of my life I attracting (or being attracted to) BPD people: I've seen and heard many defense mechanisms that prevent full engagement with treatment... it's very, very frustrating to loved ones.
If nothing else I hope that you will consider the Understanding the Borderline Mother book. I'd recommend it to anyone who suspects they have BPD and/or were raised by a parent with BPD. I read it in one sitting and then re-read it a few times.
-
PalmcorderYajna
- Posts: 12
- Joined: January 29th, 2013, 11:15 pm
- Location: Vermont
Re: when you don't fit the textbook example of BPD?
I became worried when I found myself relating so well to the description of someone with BPD in the recent episode. I have an intense and irrational fear of abandonment. I have mood swings (currently diagnosed bipolar II), I self harm, and I have boundary issues (Molested as child all that, basically my brain became warped in such a way that I think that I need to make my self sexually available to people or else they will stop loving me (at least I am self aware enough to know that)). I have a lot of triggers for mood swings, my dad is a big one. He is yelling at the dog right now, she is crying, I want to cut myself. I am going to try hard not to. I am really afraid of him for some reason, I have no memory to suggest any reason why.
Anyway, I took a test on it and I scored 9/9. I realize that is not a diagnosis and I was probably actively thinking about symptoms having just listened to the BPD episode. I thought of a possible solution though, to my over diagnosis. I am already self aware enough to realize my flaws and issues and things I need to work on. As long as I am tackling those issues head on and in the appropriate manner, perhaps I don't need to label it. I have already done a lot of great work on my abandonment issues before I even heard about BPD, a label doesn't change who I am.
Anyway, I took a test on it and I scored 9/9. I realize that is not a diagnosis and I was probably actively thinking about symptoms having just listened to the BPD episode. I thought of a possible solution though, to my over diagnosis. I am already self aware enough to realize my flaws and issues and things I need to work on. As long as I am tackling those issues head on and in the appropriate manner, perhaps I don't need to label it. I have already done a lot of great work on my abandonment issues before I even heard about BPD, a label doesn't change who I am.
-
fifthsonata
- Posts: 291
- Joined: April 30th, 2012, 6:45 am
Re: when you don't fit the textbook example of BPD?
Yajna, you never need a label 
It's just nice to know there's something out there, a reasonable (well, as reasonable as it can be) explanation as to why you feel and think the way you do. It gives you an angle to approach what's going on in your head. As you go you can figure out what is necessary for you to survive, repair, and be happy.
It's just nice to know there's something out there, a reasonable (well, as reasonable as it can be) explanation as to why you feel and think the way you do. It gives you an angle to approach what's going on in your head. As you go you can figure out what is necessary for you to survive, repair, and be happy.