Everything Looks Bad

[pa's suede]

I feel like I can't read about BPD anywhere without being reminded of how terrible it is for other people to experience. It's all about managing friends or loved ones with the illness, with what feels like a subtle reminder that relationships tend not to work out, and it wouldn't be your fault if it did. I hate getting on wikipedia and seeing the "People with Borderline" page being full of murderers. I hate being demonized and reminded that I probably won't get any better. It makes me want to stop having friends and just get divorced already. It makes me feel really lonely.

[manuel_moe_g]

Hello pa's suede, welcome to our little forum.

You are not a diagnosis, you are a human being. Please take care, be self-loving to yourself, you deserve it.

[Brooke]

I'm sorry you are feeling lonely and sick of reading about the terrible things about BPD... It's sad when an illness has a stigma attached to it...but it's worse when you start to put yourself in that "category"... I do it with my depression as well... My depression keeps me from seeing my friends as well... I know sometimes we want to give up, but we don't deserve that... I'm right there with you on that. Sometimes it's so hard and it seems like you'll never change for the better. I always fail at attempting to get myself out of the depression hole. And every time I'm right back there with my depression, I feel helpless and a lost cause. I start to believe I'm always going to be miserable and that's just who I am. I know intellectually that we are not born this way and society/parents fuck us up. But when you are suffering for so long, you start to believe that this is who you really are and you can't get back to being normal again... But when I'm like this, all of the therapists tell me the same thing, that I need to start cherishing the little voice inside and stop forcing myself to do things I don't want to do. It's harder than it sounds, but it really works. You start to feel better. My mistake is when I start to feel better, I start pushing myself again because of ego and "crash" again. It seems so selfish and self-absorbed to focus on your mental state and your heart, but that's what we need to do to make us feel better. I'm telling that to myself, too. You're not alone.

[Jimmy]

Pa's Suede is bang on about BPD. When you read how horrible you are just for having BPD, society is basically telling you that the world would be much better without you. But then when you attempt to kill yourself, there are doctors, nurses and loved ones telling you to be strong and fight on. The mixed messages you get from society are all over the place. Personally, I think people with BPD should be offered treatment and support OR the right to assisted suicide. I think society would be much better off if those options were more readily available.

[Cheesehead]

I so understand the feeling of loneliness and stigma attached attached to BPD. I can only imagine how hard it must be to live with me and my emotional issues. I always feel like I am the broken one and I will never get away from BPD. It is so frustrating that my intense feelings over issues in my life never seem to be validated by anyone. I mean I have people in my life that I can share things with, but it seems like no one ever "gets it" when it comes to how I feel about things and always end up feeling more alone and disappointed in people in general. So I just continue to "white knuckle" through life knowing that there will always be BPD right there to make things harder for me and eventhough there will be good times in my life, BPD is always right there ready and waiting to take me back to a bad place and keep having to "retie that knot at the end of my rope" and continue to hang on for dear life.

[Rain]

I’ve an understanding and experience with BPD, I was in love with a suffer. Society really isn’t all that aware of the condition, with the only aspects or traits being blown out of proportion to sell magazines and movies… It appears to have quite a spectrum, thus some navigate it better than others. What I’d noticed is an inability to trust, once it’s determined someone can be trusted. And, determining which impulses get you into trouble, then curbing them.

Believe me, when someone falls in love with somebody with BPD - they’re in love, and willing to take far more than you’d expect. It’s likely human nature, we’ll do anything for our mates. So it’s not often a case of someone ‘discovering’ BPD in their lover, then abandoning them. I’ve noticed (after a lot of research) that’s it’s most often the suffers fear or expectation that they will be abandoned, thus making it a self-fulfilling prophecy to ‘make it happen.’

Had my ..mate/ lover/ SO been upfront and realized she could trust me - I’d have been hers forever… As was, I was tossed first (if several times), and she was ultimately abandoned … having forced me into it.

It’s tuff shit for sure, and no one comes close to deserving it, or any other crap we're apparently wading through. But again, I can attest that you can and will be loved - deeply. That’s the stuff you need to hang onto. ...If you’d like the perspective of this ‘non,’ let me know, I’ll be as straight with you as you are with me. ...and, it seems like the little things in life are what’s worth sticking around for. We all eventually get a dose of the big shit, and sometimes it’s quite a high …but focus on those little things… that’s where it’s at.

-- and 'more cowbell' - Priceless